Stephen “Bam Bam” Santoro, My Friend.
Photo by Eric Hamilton/Party Utah
This past week, I found out a friend of mine died. His name was Stephen Santoro, known to music lovers, dancers, and DJ’s as “Bam Bam”. Stephen was this handsome guy, with an infectious smile, big spirit, and lovely ear for the way House music should be put together. He was always on top of the world behind the decks, really and truly happy there. He was spiritual, always grasping to find beauty in this world. It did seem desperate, almost frenetic, the way he needed to find the good in everything around him. I never quite got my head around this part of him while he was alive. And now, it makes a little more sense. My friend Stephen took his own life on Tuesday night.
I haven’t seen Steve in years. And the likely truth is that I would never have seen him again – our paths had moved in different directions. But I heard from him often, in his Facebook updates, always with messages of hope and affirmation. Years ago, when I had a giant warehouse space that housed a coffee shop and record shop and basement dance club, there was room to spare. Steve asked if he could use some of it, to set up a studio, and I was more than happy to have him there. This guy was always ready to help, ready to talk, ready to listen, ready to play the living hell out of any wax in his crate, always ready to be a friend. We had to set up a seperate alarm code for him to be able to get in and out of the building. He programmed his code to be the word “love” to which I rolled my eyes all the way back into my head and laughed while calling him a hippy and now? I cannot believe how perfectly that one act speaks to who he was. Steve cared about love and beauty. He wanted happiness and demanded that it be present in all his surroundings. He needed it to live.
After my initial shock at hearing the news of Stephen’s death, I was talking with Anson, who also knew him. I couldn’t quite articulate how exasperated I was at Stephen’s choice. I called it dumb. And Anson, who has an ability to see bigger pictures than I do, responded with, “I think it’s the same as someone who gets sick. Someone who battles a sickness, and finally loses. The sickness wins.” His answer made me mad. It resonated in ways that I wasn’t ready to feel. So my immediate response, as stupid as it is now in retrospect was, “Well someone who is sick doesn’t chose it. They’re powerless. He had a choice.” And Anson let it go. And of course my brain is clutching these words and telling me I need to change them.
Playing with Tiesto December 2007
Depression is a sickness. We all know these words. But somehow we don’t consider it to be real in the way that cancer is real. But they are part of the same beast. People afflicted with these diseases do not choose them. They are only capable of fighting them with the tools and hope and medicine they have the resources to recruit. And sometimes even the best care in the world cannot fix the problem. And then these loved ones persevere, until they cannot. And the sickness, it wins. It doesn’t even matter the name of the sickness. The point is that it is tragic, and unimaginable, and absolutely devastating.
So to my brave friend Stephen “Bam Bam” Santoro – brother, I salute you for trying for so hard, for so long to live in this world. You were truly beautiful in the way that you cared for us, your friends and family. I am so sorry for the battles you were fighting, and I truly wish you peace and rest now. To Stephen’s parents – thank you for sharing your son with us, his friends. His legacy lives in the way that he will be remembered: a sweet and kind, honest and brave man who cared desperately and wholly for those around him.
For Local Blog
Very nice Jodi… very nice.
So well put, Jodi. So sad and tragic, and a lovely tribute to a great man. RIP Bam.
nobody could have said it better jodi…love you
rip bam
When I first heard Stephen play, my jaw dropped. I thought, ‘damn, who is this guy?’. After his set I remember asking him–how he would describe his sound…
His answer: Brooklyn, 1988.
His energy in the dance hall was bright, his energy in person.. twice as much.
I, too lost a good friend to suicide. My reaction was very similar to yours. Also a writer, I could not find my voice to write about it at the time. Although I did not know Stephen I was very moved by this tribute.
Very nice Jodi…Stephen was a resident @ Club Bricks, and he and shawn phillips gave me my 1st shot at the whole dj thing…he will be missed.
jodi, this was lovely. people’s struggles with depression, addiction, or whatever, is something that i have been thinking about a lot in the past few weeks–dealing with another friend who recently od’d. thanks.
I did not know Stephen well enough to understand that he was struggling. I saw him mostly in the clubs, and every time I saw him, he had a huge smile on his face. Music heals. Music keeps us sane.
I feel honored that you chose to pair your moving prose with a photo I shot. That is the Bam Bam that I will remember.
I think somewhere I have a photo of Bam Bam behind the decks with Andrew Innes (also departed) – both with huge smiles on their faces. I’ll have to dig through my archives and find it.
Thank you for this post.
- Eric
Bev – so nice to hear from you – thanks for reading.
Robbie – sad and tragic no doubt. But you know that smile? Day-um. Bam had some happy times.
Toby – love that story. And the last line gave me chills. Beautifully said.
Tania – that really means a lot to me. Thank you so much.
DJ Nexis – Steve gave so many people a shot at doing what he loved. He never was greedy with the title of “DJ” and was so eager to share it. He is missed, for sure.
Tina – Oh girl, I’m so sorry this is on top of another hard time. These things are so hard to understand. I suppose I’m learning that even if we don’t understand it, we have to honor the battle.
Eric – So happy that it was ok to use the picture. It’s a great shot, really looks like the guy I knew, as I knew him. Nice capture. Thank you.
I never met Bam Bam but lived and breathed his music in the 90′s at Bricks, Subconcious Swimming (which I assume is the basement to which you refer above), and any party I could get into where he was present. His music took away any pain or stress of my adolescence and lifted me up. If only I and others who know him only by his name and music could have told him in his mortal life what a difference he made and what a mark he left in this world. If only. R.I.P. Bam Bam
Oh man. Your words were right on Jodi. And as I read them, the water works came with ease. Like Niagara Falls… To Stephen, I was “Old School”. That’s how he would introduce me, with some circa… So whoever I was being introduced to, would know, that I know…
I met Stephen back in 1996. And any of you from back then might recall, nights at the Bricks, Some white head jumping up and down behind him in the booth, with a huge smile, and jack-’o-lantern eyes, (as described to me by Kristina), that was me…
Now I want to relate two short stories. Bam and I knew each other both in and out of the club. Dinner parties at his place, after hours, out of town shows, etc…
Two moments stand out to me… (Well there are so many, however two moments I will share.) I was in the booth at Bricks looking at HIS station. On some old looking beat up turntable (Bricks, ha!), he had four mailbox stickers. (all faded with what you could call years of club patina) Decorated. Each reading in order, PEACE… LOVE… UNITY… & RESPECT… I will admit, I was new. And had no idea what PLUR was. I asked, “what are these? Lil notes, reminders?” And he said to me, “That is the foundation. The key. Without that, there is no me. Its what it’s all about…”
I watched his eyes as he walked away… Then looked back to his station, and the wear of the stickers… And I really took a moment for myself… At the time, I was a believer in each individual understanding… However, it was not until that time that I had ever put all together. And I pondered. It really is the foundation. PLUR, til the end… And I got it… It does not matter, if you are anything but what you are… (gender, tall, sexual pref, short, daft or otherwise.) If you understand that idea, you understand much of Stephen. So much… Peace, love, unity and respect… That was him, all the way…
Another quick story… After the club one night, we had a get together at Their place, when they lived in the Summit area… We had some out of towners, some locals , and really just all the good people from that night… Bam was always the entertainment and Kristina was a great Hostess… Stephen had some music playing. All was comfortable. I saw his room fully dedicated to records. Then later in the night, he wanted to go get frisky with the misses… He grabbed me… Said… “Trigger, its time you started playing on some real decks…” (At the time I had been mixing on shit, in the basement room of my University apartment, and he knew it…) Lets see what you can do…” He pulled out a sorted stack of records and said go… He went off, and I was left in charge of that. I dropped the first beat. I pulled from the stack that had already been played. Oops… And the people made sure I know about that. But then, I very quietly, and gingerly, played my first 4am+ ambient down tempo-erotica set. ever… It was horrible… and amazing. All the things you would expect happened. Talks of philosophy, some luv and some all at ease. And going back to the PLUR thing. I was glad I didn’t get booed of stage. Only, there was no stage in his home. I was on the ground, with candles lit, and surrounded by the good people he met. And I feel so lucky to have been one of them. Now in fear of sounding like some hippie wanna-be; Like Bob Marley said, “…mingle with the good people we meet. Good friends we have had, oh good friends we have lost, along the way. In this bright future, you can’t forget your past. So dry your tears I say…” Then we ate mango’s… Hmm…
Stephen was a part of the past. A good part of it… His music his skill and his smile, in so many ways will stay with me and all that ever knew him… Like they say… At the end of ones life here, and hopefully mine, there are are only two questions that really reverberate through time… Did he have passion? And, Are you better off having ever known him?… For this I can say emphatically yes. To both…
To all the friends and family. I morn your loss… There will be a piece missing in grief… However… In the long term, we will all remember the good, with the bad… And I’m sure will all remember our friend. Our loved one… Our brother… Stephen “Bam Bam” Santoro…
With tears I say good bye…
TRiGGER, aka Spencer Cope, the snarky one…
R.I.P Bam Bam….. until we meet again i will listen to your music and remember your words of wisdom.
Thank you for this tribute. I’m heartbroken that someone so full of love and life and beauty ended this way. He was there for me in my darkest hour, and also before and after that. I will always remember how he, after everyone else had given up, would be there for me. I hope you rest in peace Stephen and you somehow find the happiness and love you showed everyone else.
And Spencer, I was the girl (other than Kristina) behind him in the booth.
Bouncing up and down, talking to him between records, and always asking him to play my favorite song at the end the of the set Let the Sunshine in. I actually have his music on my iPod, ahh the memories. Thank you for your tribute too.
Jodi, I am now officially addicted to pistols and popcorn. I have always enjoyed listening to your thoughts and ideas. They are truly deep and have a wicked streak of sarcasm. The more I read the more I miss listening to them first hand. This particular post is not very sarcastic but it is deep and makes me somewhat nostalgic in a sad sort of way. Although I did not know Stephen very well, I do know that he truly cared about people and music. Coming from a guy who also wants to see the good in everyone, Stephen outdid me by a mile and looking back I feel like there is something to be learned here. I remember meeting him, wondering what his angle was. He was so damn nice it was suspicious. Stephen had everything going for him but could not deal with the fact that people can be selfish and cruel and that’s what eventually got him.
There needs to be more people out there like Stephen and perhaps there is a little Bam Bam in all of us. Let’s take our cue from this man and learn to respect each other.
PLUR
Yep
Thanks Jodi, reading this helped.
Bam
Rest In Peace homey
[redacted by Jodi]
Sorry friend – not the right forum for your comment. Peace.
Jodi – This post really helped me. You articulated feelings I couldn’t come to grips with for myself. I’m glad I could contribute something to it.
Ryan – Somebody posted some flyers from the Bricks residency on Bam Bam’s Facebook Fan Page. Those were good times.
- Eric
Stephen “BAM BAM” Santoro…Nobody could set the mood of a crowd the way you did. You would bring the clubs this amazing excitement and energy, never felt before… full of life at the highest level. As soon as you hit the decks and raised the roof, EVERYONE would swarm the dancefoor & boogie down to your one of a kind “Brooklyn 1988″ style mixing skills; keeping the club going all night long.
I look back- going to your apt with Jon-when Jed was still here- and laughing all night, listening to u three tell old stories of the good old days, and you telling me and Jon about all the places you have mixed and lived. Next thing u know it, we’re all sitting at Jed’s viewing, on that “eerie rainy night”(R.I.P Jed).
Even though I never heard you at bricks, I’m very luck to have been so priviledged to see you play live at both Vortex and The W Lounge. I listened to the knowledge that you had to teach, not just about music but life; and learned to love all things on earth, ‘cuz you felt everything and felt everyone in this world was beautiful. I have never meet ANYONE sooo full of LIFE n LOVE as you Dj Bam Bam; except for my sister who I also recently lost.
Similarly, she struggled with depression. But she also had problems with drug addiction, and mental disease, and O.D.’d last 4th of July..(R.I.P. sista melissa)
You both saw the beauty in all of God’s creatures and creations no matter what they were and I’ll never forget that.
You are the one who made Bricks what it is now. I want to thank you for being such a wonderful, compassionate, smart, talented, generous, caring, amazing, handsome, respectful and fun loving person, friend, and brother not only to me but countless others in this world who’s lives you have touched. You always kept it real. ‘Till we meet up again, up there in heaven- tell Jed & my sis i said whtup and I LOVE ALL 3 OF YA WITH ALL MY HEART!!…… Much Love Ur Bro Cory.
Jodi & Friends – I’m so sorry for your loss. I was acquainted with Bam Bam through his music and our mutual friends. We lost one of those friends not too long ago. As much I enjoyed Bam Bam’s music and the good times at Bricks, I will always be most grateful to Stephen for lending me his shoulder to cry on at this incredibly difficult time.
It’s heartbreaking to me that the people who are the very best at spreading joy and peace, have such a difficult time sustaining it within themselves.
Stacy… What tunes do you have on your ipod? I have his promo cd “just in time and space”, and Live at The W Lounge Memorial day” on mine… Do you have others? I’d like to get my hands on as much as I could… Were you there (meaning Bricks), by any chance, for new years ever? He tossed on a really impressive remix of Elton John’s Rocket Man just after the midnight hugs and kisses… That was one I won’t forget…
uhen i moved back to the lake from the bay after my uife left me, i ran into Stephen a couple times. By then it had been some serious years, and he uas soooo genuinley interested in uhat i uas doing and as to my uell being, aluays uanting to talk, asking uhat i uas doing, uanted to knou uhere i uas spinning. He uould shou up sometimes, if not, he’d text me some uords of encouragement, like, ” i knou your’e gonna kill it”.”shine like a star”. “spread your light and love”, at the time i uas in a dark space myself, and those random texts of encouragement truly did make the burden a little lighter, and the mix a little more full of it. thank you Stephen, i never really partied uith you, I only DJ’d uith you a couple handful of times, and I can’t say I ever uent to your house, hell, i uas only 16 uhen I uas blessed to meet you, but I can say you’re love, kindness, compassion, and respect of the music and the history that it came from impacted me in uays that I only nou uish I could tell you in person….ue uere never really friends Stephen, but Brothers cut from the same Lions clothe…
I’ll Love, Miss, and I-tinually honor your memory through the music…
thank you
-tito
Amazing words. Thank you.
Steve was a true homie over the last decade, and his loss is a huge blow for the dance music community. I know he struggled with his personal demons for too long, and it is unfortunate that his path ended as it did. He will be missed.
They say he’s in a better place now, not hurting anymore. I say he took the easy way out…
I’ll never forget stuffing my bed with pillows & sneaking out of mommy’s basement to experience dance music & clubs for the 1st time.
I was blown away when the whole club was screaming his name… “Bam Bam – Bam Bam.” Defining moment in my life. Thanks for planting the deejay seed in me.
Respectfully,
Drew
Thank you for your Kind words on Stephen,another good friend of his is Gina Paoli,she took a picture of him and her best friend Andie P.Cotton Dancing together back in the days 1992.Andie Lost her battle to cancer in 2004. Then the suicide of Stephen, I let Gina know that I too had a friend who took her life,I told Gina that I always thought there is a way I could have helped or prevented her death,the conclusion I came to for the passing of my friend is:I GUESS WE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE STRUGGLE THEY HAD TO ENDURE TO HANDLE WHATEVER HAUNTED THEM TO SURVIVE LIFE ITSELF~I GUESS THEY COULD NEVER FIND PEACE UNLESS THEY NO LONGER EXSISTED. R.I.P. Stephen may you find Eternal Bliss Dancing with Andie and the Angels that surround him~God Bless~
Thank you Jodi. I’ve been trying to figure out how to address this loss. You said it best. you always did. so young to have had to mother so many of us. Much love for Stephen. He will be missed.
I>I>I> Trigger
that elton john joint is on a memorial mix that Shaun Phillips just dropped for Bam Bam if you are looking for the song…..
enjoi
http://www.djshawnphillips.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/dedicatedtoStephenSantoroROCKETMAN_done160.mp3
Tito… Thanks for that link… That was nice to hear with the headphones on…
This is for anybody else…
Start Time:
Friday, May 21, 2010 at 10:00pm
End Time:
Saturday, May 22, 2010 at 12:00am
Location:
Bricks Roof Top Patio, Salt Lake City, Utah
Let’s come together to celebrate and honor Stephen – a beautiful man that touched so many of us with his music, courage, love and passion! This will be on the roof top of Bricks on Friday the 21st of May. Please forward this to anyone that would like to celebrate his memory!
PLUR
Bam was my brother and my friend. He married my sister so many years ago and became a part of my family. Bam was not depressed. Please don’t think that Bam was a depressed person, he never was. He was hard on himself. He was spiritual. He was always looking for light and hope. He could light up the universe with his smile. There simply wasn’t enough love in this world for him. He had a big heart, too big for most to bear. Wherever he is, I know he is at peace finally and full of love. He was loved by many, and known by many. He has a peice of my heart with him, and I have a peice of his. I love you Bam. Your sis, Ker
mbt ema
totally agree…
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