Unreasonably Happy

[If you haven’t seen the amazingness that is called Lori Nelson and the art she creates, click here to check it out. Then click here to donate to my Livestrong Challenege page.  For every $5.00 you donate, a virtual raffle ticket will be generated for you to win a portrait hand painted by the afore-mentioned amazingness Nelson.  You don’t have to live in NY to win this, so get to it.  More details here.]

I’m the Friend Who Drives You Bananas

I think I’m mostly a naïve person, and maybe a little careless. My naïvety shows in my belief that everything will just be fine, unless it wont be, in which case, well I probably couldn’t have changed it anyway. So I live my life in this way, fingers crossed most of the time, but always hopeful that the universe is conspiring in my favor. I understand that not everyone is built this way. Some people may be wired exactly the opposite way, and I’m the kind of person that makes them furrow their brow, shake their head and breathe deep.

One Should Wait Until One’s First Trimester is Over to Announce One’s Pregnancy

This personality trait started shining bright as a lighthouse when I found out I was pregnant. Of course I told Anson right away, and we kept it to ourselves for a full 12 hours at which point I couldn’t bear to keep it from Roan. There are a lot of really good, really valid reasons why I shouldn’t have done that. But there I was on a Saturday morning sitting on the couch eating Lucky Charms with him when I just started a guessing game with him and led him to his big guess that he was going to be granted his wish for a teammate in this household. Roan was so excited. He was excited in a way that surprised me – it went all the way down to his core, and made him think about all the things he could do would do with this new person. That very day he placed his hand on my stomach and said, “I can’t wait for that baby to kick me.”

Roan kept it to himself for a full 15 minutes before he began shouting it on the streets. It was way to early to be telling people, but I couldn’t help but be caught up in his magical enthusiasm. Again, my innocence lit up bright by letting it get into the world that quickly. For me, it was ok, though. I know all the millions of things that can go wrong; I’ve seen heartbreak with my own mother in a pregnancy that ended too early. Still, in my life I find I hang on tight to these happy things, and if tragedy creeps up on me, I will feel it then. I will not expect it. So I let Roan and his excitement run loose on the playground, at our friend’s homes, and wherever he needs it to manifest.

Is it Wrong to Call a Closet a Nursery?

I am of course worried about some things – will this pregnancy be as easy as Roan’s? I’m older now – a whopping 38 which in my old digs of Utah is a little old to be having a child but here in Brooklyn, people will likely shake their head and compare me to Bristol Palin. (Viva la Madres de Brooklyn!!) We have exactly no spare space. We have exactly no spare change. We have exactly no baby supplies as my penchant to get rid of everything that hasn’t been used in the last 20 minutes rules this household.

But mostly, I’m excited to see my boy Roan with his new friend, whom he is anticipating with the most love and excitement that I have ever seen. He has started making a mental list of what we need to buy, and randomly will verbalize the list, “Hey mom, we can’t wrap the baby in towels so we’re going to have to buy it a blanket, ok? Also: diapers, cause you know…..” Roan stares at the printouts from the ultrasound with fascination and sees things that I cannot see. He’s practicing singing songs, reading books, and has committed to wearing a sling to carry the baby down these Brooklyn streets. I promise to you: I will photograph that.

The Yin to my Yang

And my husband Anson, who is one of those people who is driven crazy by people with my sense of “what will be will be”, he’s hanging on tight and trying his best to keep up with his two pregnancy-proud banshees. Anson wants this child, he’s excited for the future and for where we are now, but he worries so much more than I do. But too bad for him – all the literature out there says that while your wife is pregnant, she is always right, always just and always deserving of your total support (don’t make me cite sources, just trust me). So this is going to be a good time for all of us. Some of us may just need to practice our breathing exercises more than others and I’m not talking about me.

19 thoughts on “Unreasonably Happy

  1. I am so excited that my nephew’s mom has a baby in her tummy! Really!
    You know how I love the babies. I will come to help cook, entertain, clean and take care of dear old Anson!
    Take good care….I love you all.

  2. After you first told me, then I saw no public announcement about it on FB or P&P, I figured you were the type that waited till after the first trimester to tell the world. So I sat on it, waiting till I could be loud and proud. YaaaHoooo!!!!!!

    Really, I am so proud of you taking this step, despite what the world says of us “older” moms. The joy that you guys are experiencing is just the tip of the iceberg. It is contagious (the joy, hopefully not the fertility).

    I never “planned” my kids…was never as prepared as others practical mammas who conceived on the very day to make them a particular astrological sign, and all that nonsense. I’ve never been financially stable (to say the least), and the circumstances of some of my relationships have been less than desirable. I know many people would call me irresponsible and reckless for having kids before I was rock-solid. But I gotta say, this has been the way for me, and I’m glad I’ve done it just so. I kinda think that babies come along with a whole heap-load of blessings, luck, and good juju. Everything just works itself out when you trust it will. So far, this naïve optimism has worked for me…even the hardest of life events have evolved into the most beautiful of gifts.

    I know I’m totally stereotyping, but here I go anyway…
    Dads have a unique responsibility that involves worrying about providing for their families. As much as I roll my eyes and tell him to trust in the abundance of the universe…it’s easy for me to say. I get to experience the miracle of life growing inside of me…his role involves significantly more drudgery. The best I can do is give him LOTS of verbal, physical and emotional appreciation for how much he does….it is more than enough.

    Congrats to you all…and towels do actually double as blankets!

  3. i can 10000% relate to every word of the above – most especially the no extra space part. we also cram two kids into our small brooklyn pad and, well, it works just fine. kinda. except maybe in the winter. anyhoo…it’s easy to gain perspective when you think what the rest of the mama’s of the world do with many kids in small spaces.

    super congrats to you. nothing in this world beats a sibling.

  4. In nature, things most often go right.

    And don’t worry about supplies. All you need to start with are a shoebox and the aforementioned towels.
    Oh and some double-dees.

    Oh, and YAAAAAAAY.

  5. JODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am so so so so so happy for you.
    I really can’t imagine anything cooler. Lucky kid…

  6. I’m totally the same way, about just thinking everything will be fine and when it won’t be just letting it roll over me and letting the universe take care of it. thanks, universe!

    also, i’m subscribed to you on my google reader so i don’t usually pop out of that, but i just HAD to come and make a comment because i’m SO EXCITED FOR YOU! and i’m so excited that Roan is excited. that kid is gonna have one awesome big brother.

  7. Small spaces and two kids isnt that why they invented bunk beds? Congragtulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. I have followed your blog, silently, for over a year. You can thank Fatty for that. Anyway, time to speak up. A huge congrats, going your way, from Arizona.

  9. Congrats and let me know if you’re going to find out the sex …otherwise I’ll be knitting a unisex sweater..when is this lucky event due?
    (Lynn’s mom)-mary

  10. Congratulations to you, Anson and Roan!
    I am with you in the belief that things will be ok, regardless of whether or not they go the way you expected or wanted them to go. And ditto to the commenter who noted the joy of new baby smell!

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