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I’m the Friend Who Drives You Bananas
I think I’m mostly a naïve person, and maybe a little careless. My naïvety shows in my belief that everything will just be fine, unless it wont be, in which case, well I probably couldn’t have changed it anyway. So I live my life in this way, fingers crossed most of the time, but always hopeful that the universe is conspiring in my favor. I understand that not everyone is built this way. Some people may be wired exactly the opposite way, and I’m the kind of person that makes them furrow their brow, shake their head and breathe deep.
One Should Wait Until One’s First Trimester is Over to Announce One’s Pregnancy
This personality trait started shining bright as a lighthouse when I found out I was pregnant. Of course I told Anson right away, and we kept it to ourselves for a full 12 hours at which point I couldn’t bear to keep it from Roan. There are a lot of really good, really valid reasons why I shouldn’t have done that. But there I was on a Saturday morning sitting on the couch eating Lucky Charms with him when I just started a guessing game with him and led him to his big guess that he was going to be granted his wish for a teammate in this household. Roan was so excited. He was excited in a way that surprised me – it went all the way down to his core, and made him think about all the things he could do would do with this new person. That very day he placed his hand on my stomach and said, “I can’t wait for that baby to kick me.”
Roan kept it to himself for a full 15 minutes before he began shouting it on the streets. It was way to early to be telling people, but I couldn’t help but be caught up in his magical enthusiasm. Again, my innocence lit up bright by letting it get into the world that quickly. For me, it was ok, though. I know all the millions of things that can go wrong; I’ve seen heartbreak with my own mother in a pregnancy that ended too early. Still, in my life I find I hang on tight to these happy things, and if tragedy creeps up on me, I will feel it then. I will not expect it. So I let Roan and his excitement run loose on the playground, at our friend’s homes, and wherever he needs it to manifest.
Is it Wrong to Call a Closet a Nursery?
I am of course worried about some things – will this pregnancy be as easy as Roan’s? I’m older now – a whopping 38 which in my old digs of Utah is a little old to be having a child but here in Brooklyn, people will likely shake their head and compare me to Bristol Palin. (Viva la Madres de Brooklyn!!) We have exactly no spare space. We have exactly no spare change. We have exactly no baby supplies as my penchant to get rid of everything that hasn’t been used in the last 20 minutes rules this household.
But mostly, I’m excited to see my boy Roan with his new friend, whom he is anticipating with the most love and excitement that I have ever seen. He has started making a mental list of what we need to buy, and randomly will verbalize the list, “Hey mom, we can’t wrap the baby in towels so we’re going to have to buy it a blanket, ok? Also: diapers, cause you know…..” Roan stares at the printouts from the ultrasound with fascination and sees things that I cannot see. He’s practicing singing songs, reading books, and has committed to wearing a sling to carry the baby down these Brooklyn streets. I promise to you: I will photograph that.
The Yin to my Yang
And my husband Anson, who is one of those people who is driven crazy by people with my sense of “what will be will be”, he’s hanging on tight and trying his best to keep up with his two pregnancy-proud banshees. Anson wants this child, he’s excited for the future and for where we are now, but he worries so much more than I do. But too bad for him – all the literature out there says that while your wife is pregnant, she is always right, always just and always deserving of your total support (don’t make me cite sources, just trust me). So this is going to be a good time for all of us. Some of us may just need to practice our breathing exercises more than others and I’m not talking about me.