A Love Letter: Ten Years Old

June 16, 2000

My task was to fill a nightclub with people.  There was a hotshot DJ coming into town and the owners of the club wanted that place packed.  So I called all of my party people, told them they were on the list, and asked them to bring their friends.  At the time, I was operating on no-nights of sleep for the past 2 nights, because of a rigorous party-throwing schedule.  But, I was resolved to get through the night and had an unlimited tab at the bar for Red Bulls.  Not the healthiest of lifestyles, but legal.  And sustainable because I was in my 20’s.

My friend Martin walked in and I spied him from the DJ booth.  Behind him walked sauntered strutted in a boy I’d never seen.  He was strikingly beautiful, and clearly trouble – CAPITAL “T” Trouble.  I watched him for about 1/2 hour from my perch, with Red Bull after Red Bull piling up in front of me.  Martin made his way up to me and I immediately asked him who his friend was.  He told me he’d bring him up to introduce him.  Soon super-swaggar man was in front of me and told me his name.  For the next two weeks, I called him Hanson, because that’s what I heard over the mmmm-ssssss-mmmmmmm-sssssss of the banging House Music.  Turns out when he finally corrected me, the name was A-N-S-O-N.

I had to write Hanson/Anson off that night because Martin-the-big-mouth had told him I was into him.  It was clear that Anson was feeling confident about his chances with me, and that just couldn’t be.  So when I left the club that night, it was with a somewhat extinguished flame for that guy – but not entirely.

Backing up a little, I have to also explain that I was on a self-imposed dating hiatus.  My goal was to go one year with no relationship no nothing because I was re-examining how and why I seemed to be collecting endings of relationships that were not so happy.  About 2 years before the night I spied Anson, I had gotten out of a seven-year very dysfunctional relationship and moved to….lovely Seoul, Korea!  I went a little cuckoo with my new-found freedom and was slightly boy crazy.  I had a great time meeting boys from all around the world until I met one who really and truly knocked my socks off but then he got deported back to Canada, and so I was outta there.  Onto…..lovely Nagano, Japan!  Where I met a sweetheart of a Japanese guy who just couldn’t have been more kind, and who followed me back to the US.  Our relationship didn’t translate.  When he finally left (breaking up gracefully and effectively with the handicap of a very significant language barrier is so much harder than you would think), anyway, when he finally left I put the one-year hiatus into place.  Dunzo!  It lasted six months.

Lori, Jess, Gma, Hanson, Me, Mom, Christy, Kellene

I ran into Anson two days after our first encounter at the club.  We happened to be attending the same BBQ my friend Leroy was throwing.  Anson was funny and goofy and not too-cool-for-school which I loved, and he adored me.  He asked me out, I said yes, we had our first date a few days later, and two weeks later he was assuring me that we’d be married within the year.  The dating hiatus was over, and I did know – this guy, as complicated as his life was – and as complicated as my life was – this guy was a whole new story for me.  Anson and I were married within the year.

We got married on the North Carolina shore – the same beach my family vacationed on every summer of my childhood.  The ceremony included just our family and very closest friends.  It was a beautiful day, relaxed and happy.  That was on June 16, 2000.  Which just happens to be ten years ago, today.

Had I known how hard marriage was, had I known how complicated it is to put two lives together, had I known how many compromises would be made, had I known how many times I would scream in frustration – I would have jumped in again, with both feet.  My life with Anson is hard sometimes, so happy sometimes, tiring sometimes, and is something I would not trade for any other life in any other time or place.

Yes, he's cleaning my feet. Why do you ask?

16 thoughts on “A Love Letter: Ten Years Old

  1. That’s marriage in a nutshell, for certain. Sometimes it sucks, it makes us scream, cry, and want to pound something, hard. But it’s balanced by the most tender, thoughtful and welcomed moments where giving of yourself to another human being is the only thing that matters. It will be 8 years for us in August, 8 incredible and frustrating and amazing years. I wouldn’t hand one day of them back to be anyone, or anywhere else.

  2. Congratulations! I’ll be hitting year 5 on Friday. Despite some rough times, I can’t believe how fast time flies!

  3. Congratulations!! Now I know two couples with this anniversary date (other is my aunt & uncle, they’re celebrating 47 years.)

  4. So how many of Roan’s friends met Anson and then proceeded to call him Hanson for the longest time? Just Sophia and Ira? You never revealed that you, too, called the boy Hanson. Greatness.

    Love and miss you two so much. Happy Anniversary!

  5. Happy anniversary you two!
    I’m looking forward to meeting this guy who is good enough to be your partner.
    Must be a very special man.
    Love is truly grand.
    Worth every ounce of work and sacrifice we give it.
    Many happy returns.

  6. I really enjoy it when people admit that marriage has its ups and downs. Anyone who has been married knows it, but sometimes pretense is more important. Thanks for sharing the beginning of the story with us. I’d love to hear more.

  7. What a great story. It’s obvious you two are perfect for each other. Thanks for sharing.

  8. just to keep it real . . . that bbq was my going away to san francisco. i have the pix to prove it. I have to agree with you, Scott and I have been together for just over 5 years now, and I can’t explain how that feels. I signed on to having 3 teenage kids, and I can’t imagine my life without them. I’ve learned so much about unconditional love through them. You are right to say, if you knew what you were in for you would still jump in with both feet. I jumped, mama. You are so lucky to have both Anson and Roan, and the next 2. Thank you for the memories and love. Give my love to Anson as well.

  9. ABSOLUTELY a beautiful account of a gorgeous wedding. So memorable, love surrounded you then and now. How could it not? Happy Anniversary to the both of you. ANd a zillion more. My love to you and yours, Mom

  10. Happy, happy anniversary! Wasn’t 2000 a great year to get married?!

    I love the last paragraph. Says it so well.

  11. Is no one else going to say this? Holy Blondie Batman! You two are so cute together…you look all excited and nervous and happy…like “Oh my god, are we really doing this? Of course we are, what else would we do?” Congratulations and many more!

    Your description of marriage is right on. My husband and I have our own little way of remembering that. He calls me his “best first wife ever” and I call him “my best first and fourth husband”. (I maintain that if we split we’d end up back together anyway. So far, so good after 14 yrs.) Keep on truckin’.

  12. Jilrubia reminded me that I always refer to myself as his favorite wife. 😉

  13. Thank you so much for all the sweet words! I have the smartest, best looking and most awesome readers on the planet. Not bragging. Just the truth.

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