Caution: Taking Pictures Of Pregnant Ladies Can Be Dangerous

Angst at 6

Anson got a new camera last week.  Not like a digital point-and-shoot camera, but like a CAMERA, in all caps, italics and bold.  He and his (very generous) father had long talks on the phone which led to a camera coming to Anson in the mail, and I’ve never seen my husband look more like a 5-year-old child who just received his first Hot Wheels set.  His eyes are bright when he holds it, and he practically levitates when he shows off what it can do.  It’s sweet to see Anson get something for himself – he rarely spends money on anything that is just for him.  Except beer.  But even that has been downgraded to a money-saving beverage I don’t trust all that much that comes from the corner Bodega and smells more of skunk than hops and barley.

Not-So-Angsty

Back to the camera.  So Anson loves this thing and will hardly put it down.  Which means he’s snapping the living daylights out of Roan, and even taking a few of me.  I typically don’t mind these photo sessions because Roan and I will basically ignore the man behind the camera, and just do what we’re doing, never really having to see the resulting images of us mid-word, mid-blink, or mid-about-to-take-a-bite-of-food.  But did I mention that Anson is excited really I mean it excited about this machine?  So after a long day of trick-or-treating yesterday, we talked Roan down off his sugar high, got him into bed, and Anson began showing me the great shots he got.

Zombie Baseball Player, Storm Trooper, and Dragon Ninja on the BQE Footbridge.

Even Zombie Baseball Players Get Stoked for Chocolate

And there were beauties.  Beauties of the kids we were with.  So sweet and Halloween-scary.  Beauties of our friends we were with, all put together and gorgeous, our friends.

Stoop Sitting, Brooklyn Style

And then there was me.  Boo hoo.

Let’s just state the obvious and that is that at 37 weeks pregnant with twins, I am not looking my most amazing glamorous best of all time forever and ever amen.  But the good news is that I have a special filter in my head that must allow me to see more of my earlier self than my present self when I look in the mirror.  And that filter unfortunately did not come with my husband’s camera.  Oh, how I wish he would have paid extra for that filter, because it may have prevented my little mini-self-hating-temper-tantrum I threw while looking at the pictures, which resulted in my calmly handing the computer to Anson and saying, “I cannot look at one more picture of myself”, and then stomping down our stairs with a frumpy angry “Good night!” and some more boo hoo while I threw all the covers and pillows over my head.  And I was mad, at him.  Because….he….should have known….how I looked in these photographs….and he….should have….never have taken them.

“But I think you look beautiful….” was the confused voice of Anson that followed me down the stairs.  Hmph.  Bah.  Clearly drinking too much skunky cheap beer.

And in true mother’s talk fashion, I told my friend Lola this morning how awful these pictures were,  to which she replied totally matter-of-fact, “It’s just too soon, and in a year you will look at the same pictures and think they’re great.”

So, maybe she’s right and I owe that guy an apology.  Could be.  We’ll see in a year’s time….but I think she could be right.  Because I look at the funny big-bellied pictures of me when I was pregnant with Roan, before I knew who he was, and I adore them.  I adore them now because I know how much love and sweetness and awesome magical power came from that wonky belly.  I suspect there is more magical super power coming out of this (currently titled) abomination I call my belly, and that later I will look back on it with the sweet tenderness I feel for my pics of Ro and me, before I even knew how we fit together.

I know at the end of this post I should post one of the pictures I hate, but no.  It’s not been a year yet.  24 hours later, and I still am not digging them.  Sorry!  But here’s one to melt your heart:

Riiiiiiight?

9 thoughts on “Caution: Taking Pictures Of Pregnant Ladies Can Be Dangerous

  1. When I was pregnant I put a ban on all photographs being taken of me. My husband too thought I was beautiful, but he was stupid enough to show me a few snaps taken from behind. Let me tell you photos featuring the behind of any pregnant woman is going to be a deal-breaker. I totally feel your pain. And who knows maybe later on you’ll like the pictures, but for now, I’d keep them out of sight. That’s the only thing that worked to keep the peace with me.

  2. Cameras do wacky bad magic to people over 25 and even worse magic to those who are pregnant.
    In the real air and light you look fantastic. You really do and it’s really unfair. But you do.

    You’ve been lucky. You are so photogenic. If you’re having a bad camera season, you’re still ahead of most of us.

    And you do look great.

  3. Oh I wish I had more pictures of my prenant self. I banned photos with my first pregnancy, and seriously have 2 from way far away that just make me look fat. The second time I got brave and bared my belly in a panicked state at 3 A.M. for a shot before it was off to the hospital. Turned out not to be the big moment, but I’m glad the photo exists. Third time around I was asking for photos to be taken so I could remember my baby growing years. Just have him take tons, but don’t look at them now as your wise friend said. Your kids will probably love seeing them later too, as they try to wrap their brains around how on earth they fit in THERE???

    Poor, poor daddies-to-be, they are so lovely and abused. It’s a wonder all men don’t drop to the ground in the fetal position when they see a female coming. Keep up the good work!!

  4. My mom ‘forced’ a photo shoot on me, at my baby shower. I ams so glad she did. The two photos are the only pictures I have of me pregnant. And your friends are correct. DO NOT look at them now. Wait and enjoy them later, and use them to bribe your kiddos, they will do anything to keep the pictures hidden!!!! Jonni from Arizona

  5. I am not buying it….you look great! You sent me a photo 2 weeks ago and you looked like your beautiful,natural self! Your belly got bigger, but your butt looks the same. You put the rest of to shame.
    I love you Jodes and can’t wait for the 9th!

  6. Your friend Lola is a genius. Put the pictures away, and get them out just before the twins’ first birthday – ten bucks says you’ll be smitten.

  7. Being pregnant means being blind in one eye to what everything really looks like, especially our butts. The hormones, the discomfort, the excitement and the awkward sleeping positions makes for serious vision impairment and emotional confusion and inexplicable tears and wacky spurts of Santa-belly laughter. You will love the photos in 365 days. Hell, you may even like them in 300. But today, just read US Weekly and take comfort in the bad bikini shots of the average celebutante. But last picture blog photo of you was terrifically tiny and skinny-armed. So ha ha!

  8. The pictures I hated when I was pregnant I now cherish. The images of my warped body with bloated veiny gigantic breasts and a butt as big as my belly now look so beautifully ripe and maternal to me. I bet this will happen to you too.

  9. Yes according to me it’s dangerous and women should avoid it. At the same time so many people including women think it’s dangerous and they like to put their point of views. I like to appreciate their views but we can not deny facts. However, I try to read some reviews about https://www.getmyessays.com/buy-high-quality-college-papers/ but i really love this website which have very impressive layout and them.

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