As It Turns Out, I Love That Guy

Before there were four, there were two. The early loves of my life.

Last summer, while I was big and fat growing twin baby boys in my bouncing belly, I went to Colorado for a few weeks with Roan. We spent time with his grandparents and I was able to catch up with a friend or two in-between baby-growing naps. One friend mentioned that she reads this site, and that the relationship that Anson and I had was something she really envied. This comment made me feel like a fraud. See, last summer Anson and I were not at our best.

While the things we were sorting out usually never made it to these pages, they were there. I mean – we are like pretty much every couple. Good years, bad years. I think that last summer was the ending of a terribly horrible year for us, full of sadness and loss and things that never were in our control. I think that these events took their toll on us, even though we tried to brace ourselves against relationship-fallout by going into therapy and talking and talking and talking and talking.

What I’ve realized by looking back on those days now, is that sometimes you just have to go through it. You have to experience the fallout, and white-knuckle your way through the bad parts because life is sometimes just going to be hard. You have to move along, and know that while you’re in it, you won’t always be in it. Yet all the talking and being open and sharing and bracing in the world can’t change the fact that you are going to be forced to experience certain things. And these things suck.

But when the bad days turn into good days, suddenly the things that seemed so crucially wrong become less important. And the things that didn’t seem like they were good enough suddenly make you feel absolutely blessed. I cannot say this is a universal truth, but it’s the truth for me. I can look back at all the things I thought were wrong and now understand: I was simply unhappy. It was not because things in my life were not fitting, it was not because my relationship with my husband was not good. It was because things had happened to me that were awful. And that just made me feel awful, for longer than I thought it would, and in ways that I didn’t know it would.

I’m visiting this now because Anson left yesterday to work on a photo shoot. He’ll be gone for about ten days. And I miss him. I miss him because he’s an amazing father and always brings smiles to his son’s faces at the end of the day when I can not. I miss him because he says really goofy over-the-top complimentary things to me that make me roll my eyes and give him a “yeh yeh yeh” but secretly live for. I miss him because he is the balance in this home. I miss Anson because I love him like crazy, in a teenage crush sort of way.

As sad as it makes me to have him be gone, it also has been a treat to recognize how far we have traveled in this past year. It gives me hope that Anson and I can make it through pretty much anything the world wants to throw at us. And it feels good to know that now – almost a year later – I can get back to my friend who envied my relationship with my husband and say, “Yeh – I see what you’re saying. We do rock, my husband and I.” At least this year we do.

9 thoughts on “As It Turns Out, I Love That Guy

  1. You’ve touched on a few important points for all relationships. We can’t go around the tough stuff, we must go through [trite, but true]. And there *are* years when you rock and a few when you don’t, so rock on sweet couple. Nice post. :)

  2. When the going gets tough, the tough get talking! So glad you recognized the pain you were suffering through had nothing to do with each other and everything to do with your loss. You really amaze me, on every level. You always make me do a life check when I read your beautiful banter. Thank you.

    xxoo

  3. I feel like you wrote this just for me. I’ve been going through a rough time with my husband recently and when I look around, it seems like everyone else has their marriage all figured out. It’s nice to know that you, who I look up to in a virtual yet real way, have been to a place at least close to where I am. Thanks for the honesty and the hope

  4. I’m with Jolene. This year has been hard. Very hard. I want to believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Somedays it is hard to see, and it’s good to know others have been here before and come through ok. This is not the first time, btw, that I read something you wrote and thought it was pointing right at my heart. It’s why I keep coming back.

  5. I’ll just lame ass ditto the above x4. You do rock it, Mama and it is very nice to hear how good it can be on the other side. Thank you. Love that picture – blow it up and frame it!

  6. Thank you for your candor Jodi. You have such a gift for reaching in and grabbing that ol’ heart. Life is full of hills and valleys but I wouldn’t want to get off the ride. And if you’re on it with the right person, it’s good to feel that blessing. Great post.

  7. Beautifully put, and something I wish I could have read 35 years ago when it all seemed impossible. The ups and downs haven’t stopped for our 48 years together but the memory of having gotten through each bad time gave me a little more strength and a firmer place to put my feet for the next go-round. And the great part is that the good times just seem to get better, with all the layers of memories adding to their sweetness.

  8. This resonates so deeply with me. I, too, have come out on the other side of a hard couple of years that almost crushed me. But my husband and I held on tight and we are living a beautiful life, scars and all. Thanks so much for sharing.

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