It’s Going To Be Ok, Even With Twins

'Sup? Yeh, we gotcher twins right here.

I’ve had no less than three people today talk to me about friends they have –  who are either pregnant with, or just had – twins. I know people laugh and love to give the ol’ “Better you than me….” jokes out by the handful when someone finds out twins are on the way. I loved busting my own chops for the benefit of a laugh when I would tell people. With a roll of the eyes and a pat on the ever expanding tummy-oven we’d all have a laugh at how overwhelming it was going to be to have two babies.

"So didja hear the one about..."

But sometimes the idea of one baby is too much, and the idea of two babies just makes even less sense. It’s easy to fall into a panic and believe that there is no way you’re going to be able to pull this off. And it’s also easy to stay in that panic and feel completely surrounded and trapped. It’s very tempting to believe that you are alone in this, and that even worse – you will never be alone again.

When I find out someone is going to have twins, what with my vast experience of six months and all – I feel an instant camaraderie. There is absolutely something special and magical about building two babies at once. I also want to give that mother a hug and look her square in her tired eyes and let her know that it’s actually and truly really going to be ok. It’s going to be more than that. It’s going to be great. And then it’s going to suck. And then it’s going to be ok. And then it’s going to be great. And then exhausting. And then guess what? Great again!

Trouble.

It’s life, same as it ever was. Just maybe a little more saturated and concentrated, but really just the same. If you already have other kids, you will feel guilty that you’re spending too much energy on your new babies. If you don’t have other kids, you are going to feel guilty that you’ve made one twin smile more than the other, or that one twin seems to be liked more than the other, or that one ended up with a face full of water and soap in the bathtub because you haven’t perfected putting two babies into their bath-seats yet. It is challenging and obviously tiring. But I’m here to tell you, there’s something more: the upside.

I’ve found that having two babies at once has afforded me certain things that I didn’t get with just one. I have become more strict with routines and schedules and you know what? It has built a structure that these boys of mine seem to thrive in. I put them down more, out of necessity. And this has helped create two babies who love to roll on the floor, stare at each other and play with imaginary (I hope) ghosts in the air. I believe they are more self-reliant because of this, which speaks to me of self-confidence. At age six months! My boys know they are safe and can make each other laugh even if I’m not immediately next to them. And while I would love nothing more than to stare at their messy and slobbery faces all day, I just don’t have to. I can walk away, take a phone call, get a few things done and it doesn’t stress them out. This is very very freeing.

Certainly this could be done with a single baby – but it is easier with two. I love that they will have each other to rely on for security and friendship and love in the future. Right now they’re only relying on each other for those things for 3 or 4 minutes at a time while I’m running around the house like a whirling dervish, but these periods will stretch out with time and my boys? They will have each other. And I do believe this will give them a huge advantage in life.

I find great peace in that.

You have no choice but to love this!

Having twins is certainly intimidating – but just keeping perspective on the reality is key. They are babies, and babies need very few things. Love, food, clean diapers and sleep. It is not impossible to give these things, and once a few months have passed, it even becomes a little less challenging (dare I say easy?).  I’m not going to say that I start every day with a song in my heart. Somedays I begin with guns blazing ready to shoot the sky because I’m tired and even a little bored with all things babies. But then a goofy grin comes my way or a sweet sigh and I am owned by them again.

Holding my boys and kissing them and hugging them and watching them hold each other’s hands while they nurse are gifts to me from them. Being a mother to twin babies is a really big deal. It is beautiful. It makes you feel strong. And when it doesn’t, it teaches you to manage your circumstances to get yourself to the other side so you can feel strong. It teaches you humility and encourages the skill of knowing when to ask for help. It is all the gifts of motherhood, doubled. So to the mothers of twins of the world I say this: Breathe, relax and enjoy. You’ve got this.

11 thoughts on “It’s Going To Be Ok, Even With Twins

  1. Thank you! I am 18 weeks pregnant with twins and although very excited and happy I’m also nervous and a little scared. The comments from people don’t help either so it’s great to read something so positive telling me we’re going to get through this.

  2. Motherhood – It is HARD. I don’t care if you have one or twenty!! I have 5 1/2 yr. old twin girls. Fascinating how they are so opposite, yet tethered in a very special way.

  3. My twin girls are almost2, you’re right when you say, it’s going to be great, and then suck… it happens constantly and it’s ever-changing… my days of leaving the room to make a phone call, they’re on hold because they might just climb some type of furniture or push each other off of the couch, etc… oh, the days where they just rolled on the floor or stayed where you put them, where are those days?

  4. Thank you! beautiful post. I just commented on FB about negative stories told to me repeatedly about twin losses (I am 15w preggo with twins) and someone told me to check out your blog post! Well written. I know that it seems more daunting than it will be (in my heart) but I do get a little nervous here and there…and worry endlessly about my daughter getting enough attention when the twins are born. Ugh. But, your boys are BEAUTIFUL:-)

  5. I just read a news article that mothers of twins live longer. Supposedly, you are the “chosen ones” by nature because of a survival of the fittest thingy. What’cha think, Jodi? Are we gonna be sippin’ tea and still talking about our boys when we are 89? Well, at least, you will…

  6. My twin girls are almost2, you’re right when you say, it’s going to be great, and then suck… it happens constantly and it’s ever-changing… my days of leaving the room to make a phone call, they’re on hold because they might just climb some type of furniture or push each other off of the couch, etc… oh, the days where they just rolled on the floor or stayed where you put them, where are those days?

  7. WoW, today i really needed to read something like this, “guns blazing ready to shoot the sky because I’m tired and even a little bored with all things babies”. that has been me since 4am this morning when my 1 year old twin boys wake up fussing and crying for no other reason then they want me to hold them in the chair, back and forth, back and forth. it was one of those nights i’m pulling out my hair “just go to sleep” my back hurts from the couch this morning. i’m cranky and want nothing to do with them, just let me sleep. Then they begin to make eachother laugh and begin to chase after on another and the mood just changes i’m happy again. then right befor nap time someone takes off there poopy diaper and the other one is playing in it. yuck! having twins is a rollercoaster ride, to say the least. thank you again, i truely needed this for my sanity this afternoon.

  8. Thanks for the encouraging post! I’ve made it through almost 1 month with my twins. It is so hard, and sometimes I feel like I will never be able to do it, but it is amazing how much it helps to have someone who’s been through it say that everything will be ok!

  9. It’s a lot of fun to get and give an assortment of gifts items and it’s a good way to ensure that everyone is included in the family during the happy occasion. It’s especially good to remember any other little brothers or sisters in the family, who may perhaps and probably feel somewhat left out by all the fuss over the new baby.*

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