My Sister's Magic or Don't Disobey Oprah

Do you remember not that long ago when everyone was going gaga for the book “The Secret”?  I didn’t read it even though Oprah told me to. Don’t tell Oprah.  But I think I got the feeling of it.  Essentially, if you tell the universe you want something and then act like you’ve already got it, presto you get it.  There, you just saved a week worth of reading and twenty bux.  You’re welcome! 

Well here’s the bad news and that is The Secret works on me but kind of in a horrible way.  Anytime my sister Lori wonders out loud about something happening to me, it does happen.  I have to tell you I’m tired of this little joke she has going with the universe.  Yesterday she did it again, bringing up dentistry. She brings up dentistry, which I have not had the use for in my adult life. (Don’t be disgusted I have a 

genetic predisposition for hassle-free teeth.  Thanks Mom!)  The only occasion I’ve had to visit the DDS was in my twenties when I finally had to get my wisdom teeth out, and then about 5 years ago when I had a root canal and a crown put on.  Otherwise, no problemo, until Lori starts yapping about dentists of all things out of the blue yesterday. 

Predictably, my capped tooth got all wonky last night.  I can’t eat because I think it’s going to pop right out of my head.  Teaching kickboxing today was a joke because I wouldn’t let anyone hit me in the head.  Trust me when I tell you hitting me in the head is the highpoint of class for most of my students.  When denied the opportunity to smack me in the kisser, the students aren’t as happy as they otherwise would be.  So I let them kick me in the ribs, which seemed to do the trick but sheeeeeesh.  I’m getting off the point.


Have you noticed the economy?  Not quite the rosy peach it used to be?  Well the Nelson-Calls are broke just like everyone else which hasn’t sucked so much as it does right now because I don’t have dental insurance and the last time I walked into a dentist’s office I walked out with a $1,500 bill and a fake tooth.  Not even a cool golden fake tooth that Roan might be proud of but just a dumb old real looking fake tooth.  So I’m going to the NYU Dental School on Wednesday to have some students take a look at this mess. 


I’m fine with students practicing on me.  I had Roan at a “teaching hospital” and seriously at one point it was just Anson, Lori and I facing one end of the room, and about eleven people facing us.  You dig the picture I’m painting here?  I’m having a baby and there are eleven people eh….all up in my grill, taking notes like it’s a textbook.  Most likely Lori had just said, “wouldn’t it be funny if eleven people showed up to watch this?”  Because that’s the power that woman has, and after this tooth thing is dunzo, I’m having a talk with her about using her powers for good and not evil.  If that doesn’t work, I’m open to anyone’s suggestions for a good “The Secret” antidote.  Either way, lesson learned, for real:  I will never disobey Oprah again.


8 thoughts on “My Sister's Magic or Don't Disobey Oprah

  1. ok, i just have to say this is hilarious. i have a friend who has the same effect in my life!!! i cringe when i hear her ask about something that could happen because i know that means it probably will. maybe they don’t make it happen, maybe they have fortune telling capabilities. instead of an antidote maybe you just duck and cover when your sister mentions things that scare you. good luck at the dentist. i haven’t been for about 10 years. now i’ll probably have to go too. thanks a lot!

  2. I found my power at age three when I whispered up to the night time sky, Hmmmm. I should like very much to have my very own best live-in friend who is slightly cuter, smarter, funnier, and better-heeled than I. I should also like to have her be younger than I so that she be just gullible enough to think me magic.Best wish ever. By the way, there’s a place you should check out that sells curtains for mansions. You’ll love it.

  3. I have to applaud Mama Pistol and Daddy Fatty for creating the kind of family you seem to have. Even these kinds of teasing posts convey so much love within your clan. And your sister’s reply to you is so sweet. Is it too late for you guys to adopt a 32 year old sister?

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