I’m just struck by dumbfounding love sometimes. I’m struck by his world he lives in, and how at home he becomes his true sweet self, a pop-star rockstar, with a penchant for snapping his fingers, shaking his booty and going for it in dance and song. I’m struck by Roan, in his innocence and sweetness and how he will apologize most sincerely if he sees that I’m upset. Even if he’s done nothing wrong, he will answer, “You just seemed mad, so I thought I did something.”
I am struck by that boy, that he is a child with astounding maturity. But still a child. I have to remind myself of that and do so by recalling how he draws. The stick figures who are mis-shapen and funny looking. He presents as so old and I fall for it sometimes until I remind myself that Roan draws like a child.
Today Roan has a photo shoot and was so excited that he was cast for it. When they told him they’d like him to appear in it, he was cool as could be until we walked out in the hallway where he exclaimed, “I did it!” And it made me both so happy for him and also sad – that he understands now that sometimes he’s not chosen. He’s never expressed sadness over that, but I believe it will be there or is already, unexpressed.
Roan and I will get a few hours where I am his only. I get to watch him proudly pose, be fawned over and wear cool clothes. The babies will be at home, well cared for by friends who un-tether me from them – I leave them with no worry at all. And my sweet Roan just lives this life, in his magical Empire State of Mind.
Finally, I’m struck by Roan and how he is learning to craft words and turn phrases. From his homework tonight, an assignment to free write a poem:
I was thinking about thinking when I heard a BIG thump
I think it was a earth quake but maybe it was a bump?
I was thinking about bumps when I saw a BIG lump
I think it might have been under the carpet but I am not sure
I don’t know where else it could be except on my fur!
I was thinking about thinking
I think I was stuck
But then I thought of something
I think it was good luck!