A Story About Deodorant

A few nights ago Roan announced that his 3rd grade teacher had made a declaration in class: everyone must start wearing deodorant. It was a Thursday which means they had gym that day and I do sympathize with a woman who has a class full of stinky sweaty boys and girls. That’s got to be tough and would certainly sway a person to believe that some of these children indeed should be left behind…

Roan could not have been more excited about this declaration. Ever since he saw Isaiah Mustafa in the Old Spice commercials, he’s been gunning to wear it. You’ve seen this, yes? I’ll embed it for people who haven’t. I mean – it is genius. I love it even now, after seeing it way too often.

Right.

Turns out that Roan wasn’t the only one who was dying to Old Spice it up. A few days later, when I was the designated responsible adult in charge of picking up Roan, two of his besties, Javier and Sachin, and his muse (I’ll have to write about that later) Anya, I had the brilliant idea of treating them all to their sticks of deodorant.

“You guys want to go buy the deodorant your teacher said you needed?”

(Now please imagine jumping around, limbs flailing wildly, whooping, hollering and such).

So it was decided.

On the walk to the drugstore, Roan excitedly told Sachin and Javier that he was going to get Old Spice. He kept saying, “I’m on a horse”. And they kept laughing. No back story, no build up, just “I’m on a horse.” Javier has an older brother whom I’m going to guess also wears Old Spice because Javier then announced that he too would get Old Spice but one-upped Roan by knowing which “flavor”. It would be Swagger.

I did not know that Old Spice had flavors.

The “Me too” chorus could not have come any faster or any louder and as we tumbled into CVS, the boys started racing to the deodorant isle. Anya hung back with me and seemed a little unimpressed. It’s not easy being a muse.

By the time I found the stinky boys they were all gripping their deodorants, reading the instructions, smelling it and excitedly nervously crazily moving about as if they were going to ride a rollercoaster for the first time. Sachin was miming how he would apply it, with all indications being that it would start with his feet, and end at the top of his head. Roan was wondering what it would taste like (which I cannot fault him for. It is the icy blue color of our favorite Ice-Pop) and Javier was casually snorting the scent with alarming gusto.

3 Old Spicers and an unimpressed Muse

Obviously none of them wanted bags after we made our purchase. They proudly walked down the sidewalk, just three 8-year-old boys with their Old Spice. And as dumb wonderful luck would have it, we bumped into two classmates who got to see the glorious acquisitions.  After some posturing, bragging, and another miming session of the future application, the classmates could be heard begging for their own Old Spice purchase. Seriously. I’ve not seen so much hype over any product save in the video game category.

Honestly, I don’t really think Roan needs to be wearing deodorant yet. But seeing the joy and unexpected status bump that Old Spice has brought into his life I cannot deny him the opportunity to smell like Isaiah Mustafa. After all, you can’t argue with a man holding a handfull of diamonds while riding a horse.

32 thoughts on “A Story About Deodorant

  1. Too bad the kids weren’t around for Irish Spring. Anya could be declaring in an Irish brogue, “Manly yes, but I like it too.”

    Who knew personal care products could be so much fun?

  2. I’m with falnfenix- WHAT? THIRD GRADE? That’s absurd, but not nearly as absurd as the amount of joy they derived from buying Old Spice. Now that’s funny.

  3. My daughter’s class got that from her 4th grade teacher. I think the issue is that some kids are hitting puberty very early now and they smell like it. She is not one of them but she’s paranoid now and wears some Tom’s all natural stuff I bought her. Seems harmless enough. They’ll probably forget to apply it most of the time anyway!

  4. I am a little ashamed to admit I just watched that commercial 4 times. And I’m still chuckling to myself. I must be pretty behind the times – I thought only my sweet, bearded grandpa wore Old Spice and that Axe was the Big Deal for the younger guys. (By younger I mean 25 – I can’t believe 3rd graders have hit puberty!!)

  5. I can’t imagine a room full of sweaty 8 year olds smelling worse than a room full of 8 year olds wearing (probably too much) Old Spice.

  6. I love that Old Spice ad, but somehow, we’ve become an Axe family (apparently BO is an epidemic in the 3rd grade at PS58). The stuff really stinks, but we’ve got body wash, shampoo, deodorant, body spray AND the detailer! (See video http://youtu.be/I9tWZB7OUSU).

  7. Oh YES, third grade. One warm, sunny day last fall my 3rd grade boy came by me and I had a flashback to how my very old, besweatered and blazered grandpa used to smell. It freaked me out. Off we went to get the Axe. “Kilo” is our flavor. Flavor of a Kilo of WHAT, I ask???

  8. Oh my gosh, I am dying of laughter here…..the thought of the one kid snorting it sent me over the edge. So thankful the group opted for Old Spice, I actually can’t stand the scent of Axe, unfortunately my nephew who is a freshman in high school doesn’t seem to know the difference between applying a splash, and bathing in the contents of all the product bottles. Ha.

  9. LOL I have such pity for that teacher. It was bad enough to raise my three boys and have the car full of clouds of their B.O. I can’t imagine having a whole class full of them!

  10. Maybe it’s a 3rd grade thing? My 3rd grade son has recently decided that he needs to wear deodorant. So he sneaks it from Dad whenever he can. We only know he has it because after he has applied it you can smell him from his bedroom (2nd floor, front of the house) all the way to the family room (1st floor, back of the house). Apparently my 3rd grade boy needs an anatomy lesson, because there is no way he is limiting application to just his arm pits.

  11. Perfect. Just the other day I was wondering WHEN boys start wearing deodorant. I was overwhelmed by the, uh, aroma emanating from my own 8-yr-old. How can such a little guy smell so much. Hope it works out for you all (and the teacher!).

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  13. 3rd grade is 9 years old, right? That’s the math I got just now. No way kids are hitting puberty yet! Shouldn’t she had done a talk about showering and things of that nature first? Anyway, the unimpressed muse was too cute, she reminds me of myself around guys. Funny post.

  14. “I’m on a horse!” And the crowd goes wild! The power of marketing. I love that 8 year-olds bought Old Spice.

  15. I’m with Andrew. As the teacher, I’d rather have a classroom of musty-smelling kids than a classroom redolent of Old Spice! Thanks for the laugh!

  16. Ha ha! That’s funny! I have a gym class of 2nd – 4th graders, and I haven’t noticed the need for deoderant yet, but I’m glad they were excited to get their Old Spice.

  17. I have three boys and enough Old Spice (and AXE, gag) to fumigate (or asphyxiate) a small country. When someone wanted “Swagger” though, I had to decline. Am I the only one who thinks it smells like her high school boyfriend and his Drakkar Noir?

  18. Very cute – I can just imagine the boys walking down the street with their Old Spice. Aye – what a photo to make them blush once they’re teenagers!

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