Climbing and Baking Babies

What's Wrong With This Picture?

My two twin tiny tyrant masters have decided to climb. Everything. Together, they have searched out and found every possible way of getting up just a little bit higher off the ground. Smith, typically the more brave of the two, delights in pushing chairs to bookcases, tables, countertops and credenzas. He then climbs up and begins waving his hands and bouncing his knees like a Solid Gold dancer, dancing for his life. Smith’s specialties include teetering dangerously close to edges, and rejecting the fact that falling from heights is in fact painful. He is currently wearing a big red bump just below his hairline, in the middle of his forehead.

Sheppard, typically the more cautious of the two, has followed suit, climbing, bouncing, falling, Solid Gold dancing etc. However, he has one-upped his brother in a nod to The Brothers Grimm, and is unnaturally attracted to the oven, opening the oven, and then climbing into the oven. If you promise not to call Social Services on me, I will confide that last week, I found Sheppard literally in the oven no fewer times than five. Sheppard is currently wearing a Heat Rash. In the Winter. Coincidence? I think not.

I have tried a few techniques. I have read the literature that says to simply distract the babies from what they are doing, and engage them in something new. HA! Anyone here ever had any luck getting a 16-month-old toddler to stop focusing on something they are obsessed with? NO? No luck? Well how about two 16-month-old toddlers at the same time? Oh, I’m sorry you likely couldn’t understand that question because I was laughing too hard while typing it. I’ve tried distraction with balls, books, puzzles, handstands, boobs, booze (just kidding) (?), promises of going outside, and even Goldfish snacks. None of these have succeeded in prying the vice-like grip that climbing and getting in the oven have on the minds of my dudes.

I moved the chairs away from the table. I put them in a nice symmetrical line across the wall, reasoning that Smitty + Shep can go ahead and climb these, look out the window, and it will be a nice compromise because while it is still dangerous and thrilling for them, a fall will likely only result in a bump or a bruise, and not a concussion.

If Only They Had Tails...

It Would Just Make More Sense...

And it worked! For around seven minutes! Until they got down and pushed the chairs over to every other climbable surface!

So. Duct Tape, and I’m not kidding. I used it to tape the oven shut, and I used it to secure the chairs to the table. Obviously, I cannot use it to secure everything to everything so I am now considering using it to simply keep the boys in place. If I Duct Tape them to a safe, grounded and soft spot on the floor, then all my troubles are over. I did consider it. I am still daydreaming about it. Roan advises me against it.

I'm pretty sure this idea will catch on. Look for it in your Interior Design mags.

And so. Back to this picture. The oven has a new lock on it that works beautifully which only cost around 6 bux. I’m good with that. But the chairs? They are now posing as a tribute to the movie Poltergeist. Every chair in our home is upside-down, unless it is being sat upon. This seems to be the only answer.

It’s just another way that it has become obvious to me that this glamourous life of raising twins? It is funny, challenging, frustrating, but most of all, do-able. My big brain can work around every challenge they send my way. I just have to remember to laugh instead of frown, and let go of any notion that I am in charge.

9 thoughts on “Climbing and Baking Babies

  1. You just now figured out that you’re not in charge? That must be a record! Good luck, Jodi!

  2. Make them a wrestling ring in the living room. They can climb the ropes and jump off to their hearts content. Make it a cage and then show ’em Cap’n Lew on tv. They will probably ask you for elastics. Of course, that would be bad.

  3. My first was a climber, I can so not imagine surviving having two daredevils! Enjoy that cocktail!

  4. I remember an oven door, and a very small, active Dotty. Bungee cord was our solution. Good luck to you all! I live for the stories, pictures and videos of your four gorgeous men.

  5. Oh man, you make me laugh. Not AT you, mind you. I feel your exhaustion through the words. At our home (with only one climbing monkey at a time) we have spindley chairs that could be bungee corded together in pairs across the table. That worked for a little while. Glad you found an oven lock…my cousin had a young lad who put a can of pumpkin in a just-turned-off oven. Blew the door clean off, luckily no one was hurt. Crazy things those little people think of.

  6. I LOVE it. Another smile for the day. Kisses to Roan for drawing some boundaries.

  7. Great post, Jody! Velcro suits?

    On first glance I thought the suggestion for bungee cord was to attach to the kids, suspending them from the ceiling or doorway. It sounds like fun for everyone.

  8. Pingback: Pistols and Popcorn » Being Roan’s Mom

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