I remember while living in Salt Lake City this feeling that never left me. Anson and I owned a home, a beautiful thing. Plenty of space, remodeled with a gorgeous kitchen and a jacuzzi tub in our bathroom. Our backyard was landscaped and Anson built a sweet wrap-around porch out front to sit on and take in the pretty city sights.
But I always felt uneasy.
There was never a time where I would sit in my home and feel comfortable. I needed to plan, to get out, to walk around, to meet up with people. And while I was aware of it, I couldn’t exactly pinpoint why. After a vacation at my mother’s home for Christmas, I realized what it was. When I was in my mother’s home, it felt like a home. It felt warm and easy. And when I returned to my house, it felt uneasy. It wasn’t my home. If anyone visited, I felt stressed out. If I had to spend time there alone, I couldn’t fully relax. It just wasn’t right.
Years later, after our family moved to Brooklyn, that feeling is gone. I’ve realized that it has nothing to do with the actual house, though. I am still Honeymoon-Happy with the apartment we live in. But it’s not the structure. It’s the place. It’s the location and the people around me and it’s the place I am in my own life. I am at home here in Brooklyn. This is the first place I have lived where I feel settled, at ease, and calm. I know I am home. When I lock our doors at night it isn’t to keep people out, it feels like a gesture of locking our family together at this point in time. In this comfort. In this home.
For the first time in my life, I love having people visit me. I love to show off my friend New York City, but I also love welcoming them into my home. I don’t mind that it’s not the biggest nicest fanciest place I’ve ever lived. I just love the feeling it has, which is simple and warm.
This past week, Anson’s brother Devon and his family came and visited us. Our entire family couldn’t wait to have these cousins around to play with, and cool Uncle Devon and Auntie Michelle all to ourselves.
In a matter of four days, we toured Dumbo, rode Jane’s Carousel, ate Nathan’s hotdogs on the beach, rode every ride worth riding in Luna Park, went to Times Square, walked up Fifth Avenue (ok ok ok I skipped that day because the babies! Had mandatory nap-make-up duties.), had a meaty BBQ in the backyard with friends, tasted the goods at Farmacy, and hosted an Easter Egg hunt. There were sleepovers and restaurants, Lucali pizza, and too too too much chocolate.
We had five lifetimes of fun in four days.
And now they’re gone and Roan has not gotten off the couch all day. I have given him an all-day couch pass because he has a post-cousin-rocking-great-time fever and sore throat. The babes are making up for lost sleep by sleeping extra, and I am making no attempts at keeping this home visitor-ready. While that may sound relaxing it is a little bit sad. It’s so nice to have family in town who are excited to spend time with us, and as impressed with all of New York’s shiny awesomeness as we are. I love so much being able to share my family with my family. I love the feeling of welcoming people into my home.