I’m imagining that before the remote control was invented, there were plenty of people who thought of the idea. It made sense. It would be convenient. It is a beautiful thing. But then Mr. Remote Control invented it and became a bazillionaire and then everyone else who thought of it but didn’t act on it was totally bummed.
So what else is there to be invented? What’s the next simple but obvious idea? I dunno, but I have a few of them. Go ahead and invent these and enjoy the spoils. You don’t even have to credit me or pay me a dollar. Just send me a prototype and I’m set.
First: A stroller that can go up and down the stairs, without giving me the core workout I so desperately need. I’d just rather get that workout with a trainer named Cornelius in an air conditioned gym wearing something that wicks away moisture. Going up and down and up and down all the stairs in Brooklyn sucks while pushing and pulling my two tiny precious tyrants. As it gets hotter, they seem to grow and it sucks all the more. Get on this, stat.
Second: Get some type of cooling system for a stroller. One of my little dudes in particular is not all that hearty and busts out in a heat rash after being exposed to the cruel summer humidity and heat. It doesn’t seem impossible to get some type of ventilation, circulation something happening in there, right?
Third: There needs to be some type of punitive mechanism in pools for kids (or, let’s face it, adults) who pee in the pool. A tiny electrical shock or even some type of shaming device. I just would like to hang out in a pee-free pool. Is that so wrong?
Fourth: A laser-lice removal system. I cannot tell you how tired I am of prophylactically lice-combing Roan’s hair. While I love to run my fingers through his spun-golden strands of heaven, pulling Pantene through his hair, strand by freaking strand every Sunday is tiresome. There must be a way to just wave a laser around your kids head and kill all the critters, no? Let’s. Do. This. Better yet – add a bedbug killing switch and charge seventeen times the price. This is pure gold. (Roan would like me to clarify that he does not have lice every Sunday. We are searching for signs of them, with a plan to murder them. This seems to work, as we haven’t gotten lice this school year. Still. LASER BEAMS SET ON KILL would be way more awesome.)
Fifth: What? My babies are waking up from their naps…so this one’s all yours. What needs to exist next? What are we missing? With all of our big brains put together, I’m certain we can come up with some good ones.