The (Gay!) Wedding

Bev + Jaime

I’m not a huge wedding ceremony fan, oh nay. I kind of find weddings long and boring and sometimes just heavy-handed. But the one Roan and I attended over the weekend had all the things I like – an intimate group, a supercool officiator, and a gorgeous setting, with my beloved city as the backdrop. My friends from Utah, Bev + Jaime came to NYC to get married because it’s still illegal for same-sex couples to get married in Utah. Still. Illegal. (Sidenote to readers of the future that are shocked I was alive when this type of discrimination was still happening: I know, right?!)

I connected my Utah girls with my Brooklyn people when they were looking for a place to stay. As many people know, finding lodging in NYC is usually the deal breaker for visiting here. Hotels are small and cramped, usually not especially clean, and always always always overpriced. But here’s a super duper secret hook-up: my friends, Loretta and Genarro have a unit they rent out here in the BKLYN that is dope. And cheap, considering it sleeps 6+ people. It is literally 1/2 block to the subway that gets you into Manhattan in 10 – 15 minutes. (I don’t even get a kick-back and look at me giving you the hard sell…what? I just really enjoy sharing insider info.)

This rental is part of Eco Brooklyn’s Show House, and to be rad, Genarro offered his rooftop patio as a setting for the wedding. I mean. You just cannot beat the views – Manhattan, Brooklyn, sky, and many neighbor’s backyards, including one neighbor with a pool whom I am interested in forming a friendship with.


The wedding ceremony was beautiful, and on the walk home Roan asked me, more than once, what exactly the problem was that people were trying to stop such marriages? That’s my boy. That’s a good question. He started doing funny-voiced impressions of people that oppose same-sex marriage offering, “Oh noooooo! What if they get married and are happy and use up all MY happiness?” I found that pretty ha ha ha LOL funny stuff but then reminded him that many people he knows and loves are in that group of opposers, so easy on the mockery. But then I took my admonition back and joined in the mockery because I just cannot for the life of me meet anyone in the middle on this one. Get over it already.

Not scary

I know I know I know that many people are put off by the flamboyance of Pride day, by the over-the-top behavior of some of the loudest and proudest people in the LGBT community, I get it. If it’s not what you’re into, it seems too fringe, it seems a little scary, it seems unnecessary. I understand the trepidation and difficulty of wrapping one’s mind around something that instinctively feels wrong. The hardest thing of this divisive issue is that there are people who are really and truly good, kind, loving people who cannot stop discriminating. It’s not discrimination from hate, but from a place of fear and sadly – ignorance. This ends up reading as hateful though, because honestly, there’s very little difference.

Even with these caveats, though, the discrimination is simply not ok. My friends and their family not having the same respect and rights paid to them as I have makes no sense to me, and happily, no sense to my son. I suppose little by little it is changing. State by state. Family by family. Blog by blog. I’m certain I have readers who do not agree with me on this issue – and that’s ok. But just for one moment, take a look at these pictures of my friends, see the kindness and love there. The happiness. And be ok with that.

Not scared

12 thoughts on “The (Gay!) Wedding

  1. Congrats to Bev and Jamie! Yeah!!! So since they were wed in NY, will that be able to utilize their rights in UT? Like health insurance ect? I sure hope so. HATE that it’s not legal for same sex marriage everywhere. BS!!!

  2. No they will not, because of the Defense of Marriage Act, in which Congress said that the Privileges and Immunities clause of the Constitution DOES NOT APPLY TO GAY MARRIAGE. Yup, the legislature literally wrote gay people out of the protections of the Constitution. The judicial branch is the only one that gets to call bullsh** on this move, and that has taken a while. But it is believed that the Supreme Court will rule on this somewhat soon-ish, and it is almost certain that they will declare it unconstitutional – implicitly overturning along with it North Carolina’s Amendment One, Prop 8 (or whatever) in California, and dozens of other small-minded state moves that mean NOTHING in the face of the FEDERAL Constitution. And that will be a pretty awesome day.

    So sayeth the lawyer studying for the bar exam. Sorry, I got law on the brain these days.

  3. A big congratulations to Bev and Jaime! They are adorable! And Roan is the best. Such a wise kid – I can’t imagine how proud he must make you every day. 🙂 My wife & I went to Iowa to get married last year because we didn’t want to wait for Wisconsin to make it legal – that could be a long wait! We were married on a beautiful riverboat and even though they had never done a gay wedding they could not have been more gracious and welcoming. It’s possible that not everyone who worked the event completely agreed but they were all super nice and professional and definitely not scared. 🙂 Yay Iowa! And Yay NY! Hopefully soon the fear and discrimination in so much of the country will be replaced by the realization that we’ll all the same inside. Love wins!

  4. Lovely pictures and comments. I appreciate that others share the joy and happiness my niece has found in Jamie. How could it be any different or any kind of threat to the happiness I’ve found in nearly 26 years with my husband? It’s not, they are smiling as big as we did all those years ago. I can only wish them a lifetime of smiles.

  5. Congrats to Bev & Jamie indeed!
    I think we get to make a little difference every time we enforce to our kids that Love is Love and teach them acceptance and appreciation for all relationships, regardless of plumbing.

  6. First of all, many congrats to your friends!

    Secondly, I have to say I’ve been a lurker on your blog for a long time and I’ve always adored your posts, and watching your beautiful family blossom. This particular post though, I had to just drop you a line. It’s a such a moving post, and I think such a beautiful testament to how amazing you, Anson, and your family is. I can only hope, wish, and pray that what I find wonderful about your family will some day become not extraordinary but common place: tolerance, love, understanding, and much more. Especially as I approach a time in my life when I would like to have children. People like Roan, and I’m sure Shep and Smitty when they grow some, are exactly the type of peers I would want my children to be surrounded by. So, in a way, I just wanted to thank you.

    All the love and best wishes for you and yours.

  7. It’s not legal in GA yet (we’re in the buckle of the Bible belt, so I imagine I’ll be long dead/gone before it is.) That being said, I was asked by two of my favorite men to officiate at their commitment ceremony, whenever they have it. It still makes me tear up, what an honor!

    Congrats to a beautiful couple – much happiness to you (and if you need to borrow a cupful, just ask. I have plenty to share.)

  8. I just don’t get how you look at them and see anything but stunning beauty and love.

  9. So you find weddings long, boring, and heavy handed, but when it’s a gay wedding you think it’s fantastic? Isn’t that a bit at odds with your call to treat all weddings equally regardless of the gender?

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