Babies Don’t Bounce

Shepz (former) Spot

In case you’re wondering, if your child takes a fall from a distance of higher than two feet, and hits their head, a doctor’s visit is in order.

This is what I found out no more than fifteen minutes ago.

And guess where little Sheppard Nelson Call gets to go today! To the doctor!

I’m writing this in-between sessions of smacking my own self in my own self’s head because Shepz fell off the kitchen counter today and gravity, ever constant in her threatening behavior towards my progeny, pulled his body right onto that hard tile floor. I saw it pretty much in slow motion because as Mother of The Year I turned around just in time to watch but do nothing. Obviously his father put him up on the counter and turned away because Mother of The Year would never be that dumb dumb. (This part of the story may be fictionalized slightly.)

After the initial freak out, Shep was acting totally normal – playing, laughing, singing, finding my fat parts and pinching them (I do not know why he does that but he does. Makes me laugh and feel self-conscious at the same time). So I was fairly confident that all was well but since his ear was a little purple (a bruised ear! Yay Mother of The Year!) I was also kind of forced to acknowledge that he smacked his head pretty hard so I called the doctor.

I used to think this was a sweet place for him to hang out, look outside, face certain concussive possibilities...

I’m not entirely certain that her pause after hearing that he sits on the counter every morning as I fix breakfast because that’s basically the only place he wants to be was a judgement, or maybe she was taking a bite of a sandwich. I mean, I know it’s not a safe place but usually he sits with his feet in the sink, splashing everything and allowing me the time I need to do the one million things that need to be done within arms-reach of him. But today I blew it, and gave the boy more space than I should have and bah. Hopefully not a cracked skull. People won’t “like” a cracked skull on Instagram now, will they?

Not to be outdone, about two hours later, while playing downstairs in the cribs, Smitty demonstrated a just-learned brand new trick that I did not see, but fear with all my heart. Roan was playing hide-behind-the-curtain-peek-a-boo with him. And Peek! Smitty is jumping in the crib screaming with laughter! And Boo! Smitty is sitting on the floor, a little stunned, outside the crib.

Anyone know a good source for Toddler-sized armor and 24/7 wearable helmets?

[Update: Shep has been given a clean bill of health by the doctor, who explained that his ear acted as a sort of bumper. Dang, can I make good ears or what?? She also suggested I look into installing seat belts on my countertops.]

6 thoughts on “Babies Don’t Bounce

  1. As a father of 3, I can say that babies do in fact bounce. Just not in the cute cartoonish way that Bumbles do. Kids are tougher than you think.

  2. Oh gawd. I know that self-loathing feeling that comes from watching your baby fall off the counter. And my hubby once got too close to a hot pan while the kid was in a baby bjorn. Good news, though- our son has forgiven us and seems to be somewhat normal after his injuries. I’m sure Shep will let you off the hook!

  3. Once when Sam was nearing three (carrying him because we were crossing a parking lot) I stepped off a curb I didn’t see, hurling both of us to the ground. I can hear that horrifying melon-cracking sound as if it happened two minutes, rather than two decades, ago. It fractured his skull, qualifying me for super-mom status that year. The good news is that after a night in the hospital and two fearsome black eyes, Sam grew up to be a kind and successful adult with a college education and a job he loves, and crosses parking lots without my help. Stop whipping yourself. They’re fine, Ma.

  4. It’d be super weird if somehow you succeeded in never letting them fall.
    In the words of that flash-in-the-pan, Chumba Wumba….Well, you know.

    Cracking good stories by your readers, BTW^^^

  5. I was going to share the ‘left my son in the infant seat on the kitchen table and he flipped himself onto the floor hitting his head on a chair on the way down’ story or the ‘he rolled off the bed story’ until I read @JennyExplainsItAlls comment and now I have to go home and kiss his 16 year old melon without explaining why. . . . we were home alone when it happened, I never told anyone, and now his average at the end of his sophmore year is 97.14. Wonder if it would’ve been higher if his mother hadn’t dropped him repeatedly as an infant? His sister I did not drop once, we call him our test case kid.

  6. ACK! Hopefully all is well now! Girl, time for Mama to have a little TLC – you deserve it after all of that – know well you’ve done nothing we all haven’t done. Lesson learned and move on. 😉

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