Kenmore’s Vacuum Has Found a Home

There are some things my close friends know about me that you may not. First, I am a mom that let’s her babies climb up the slide, not wear helmets, put sticks in their mouths, play in dirt, and pee in the bathtub. Second, I enjoy a clean floor.

Just take me at my word on the first part, and let’s speak of the second. I’m pretty much living under the worst circumstances to expect my floor to be clean. Primarily because I live in Brooklyn, New York. This is a place where the sidewalks are used more than most, as we are pedestrians in the extreme. We walk everywhere. This, coupled with the fact that there are many of us, literally living on top of one another, creates a dirtier-than-most landscape. Add to that the fact that some of us have pets (not me), and that others of us encounter circumstances where a bathroom may not be accessible (not me!), and our highly-used sidewalks also become surfaces full of…eh…nastiness.

So walking everywhere means my shoes are dirty, you know? And living in Asia for a few years way back convinced me that outdoor shoes stay outdoors. Duh. So that’s the process in my home but still, I have toddlers. Dirty, messy smoosh-food-on-the-ground toddlers. And I have guests that balk at taking their shoes off. And I have a husband that has been convinced to leave his shoes outside, but then defies all logic by walking outside barefoot at times. And then walking inside with those same bare feet that’s right. Barbarian.

Listen, I know I sound a little sacked out in the OCD department but this is just truth talking. These are my realities. So, what of it? Well well well as it would happen, Kenmore asked if I’d like to review a new vacuum they have.

Would I? Heh…I mean. Sure! But I kind of expected to be a bit ambivalent,┬ábecause vacuums typically do not do the job I need them to do. Not entirely. I even considered just using it once then selling it on ebay and using the cash to go to Atlantic City to fund my children’s future college educations, but then everything changed. I used it and then I loved it, and knew it had found a home with the Nelson Calls.

Why? Why love a vacuum enough to write about it? Stay with me because I’ll break it down quickly.

Kenmore Intuition 31200

This is the Kenmore Intuition 31200. Kenmore lists its main selling points as its immensely suck-tastic (my words, not theirs) motor – the “3D Inducer Motor” (read that with an echo and it sounds pretty awesome). Seriously, it’s crazy strong – this machine picks everything up. They also tout a bunch of things you’d expect – HEPA filtration, various attachments and wands, height adjustment and its color – “Bahama Green, a beautiful, soothing bluish green tone inspired by the color of Caribbean waters”. HA! I love you Kenmore but seriously? Soothing? Whatever. Here’s my take:

Nevermind the baby on the speaker. An 8 y/o is vacuuming my house!

While this machine is pretty heavy, it absolutely rules because it has a dirt sensor. It seems to work beautifully, lighting up red when the floor is still dirty. Green is the signal to move on, there’s more floor to clean. Your work here is done! Congratulations! Now go tackle the rest of your square feet! But more important than that satisfying feeling of being Green-light clean, is this vacuum’s appeal to the younger set to see if the light works for them.

Yes, I see that toddlers have scaled the Entertainment Center. But did YOU see the Green light? CLEAN!

And do you understand what that means? It means that at least once a day, my child asks if he can use our new vacuum to clean the floors. This means my floors are beautifully clear of Brooklyn debris, they are Green-light clean. This quiets the noise in my mind about what has been tracked into my home, and frees up time for me to watch those boys climb furniture with no helmet and no soft landing, eat frozen treats from unlicensed vendors, and live dangerously in all the ways that don’t mess with my Mary Poppins Spit Spot floors.

5 thoughts on “Kenmore’s Vacuum Has Found a Home

  1. I don’t think I’ve ever read a review of any home appliance in full. This entry is a first for me. Excellent job!

  2. I’m actually laughing out loud because Scott and I have “no shoes on in the house” then the “you just walked outside barefoot then back inside” conversation at least 4 times a week. He thinks I’m whacko but it soothes me to know my sister is the same! I CANNOT get my floors clean enough EVER. See, a little whacko, no?

  3. I’m more of the let’s-build-our-immune-system ilk. I gave up on a clean house and i write this from a sofa that smells of dog
    You have my full respect, my sisters.

  4. Crazy question, my 7 year old autistic son is obsessively asking for this vacuum, I can’t find it on sears, sears outlet, Craigslist or amazon. If this vacuum is still working in your home, would you consider selling it?

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