This year has been a really hard year for most people I know. I’m not sure if it’s universal or local to those connected to me, but 2009 has seen so many difficult times. I’ve seen friends lose jobs, have to move, split up over the stress of life, and face illness. There has been a lot of loss in my family – from the deaths of people we have loved living with, to the promise of life being broken. Given this, it would be easy for me to emotionally fall down and not get up with the all the new possibilities of things going wrong with this new boy who has no name.
But as one of my insightful, intelligent and beautiful friends told me as I was delaminating in front of her very eyes, “Statistically, your chances are going down of having bad things happen. Your family has reached its limit”. And the comment was designed to make me laugh and it did but it also has become something I’m counting on. At this point, it’s time for some good news.
Friday I’m scheduled for a full day at Columbia Hospital. My first test, a Fetal Echocardiogram begins at 9:00. I have consultations with three specialists, two non-invasive tests, and one “procedure” scheduled throughout the day. Anson is distraught that he can’t be with me, but my two girlfriends (or as they call themselves, my sister-wives), will be with me and likely be the voices I need, as I seem to lose any sense of intelligence when I’m in front of doctors.
The thing I’m most worried about though is my boy, Roan. It terrifies me to even visit the possibility of telling him anything is wrong. He’s picking up little bits here and there that maybe something isn’t totally cool, and I can see him trying to put it together. But my sister Lori, who will be with him, to step in and be his buffer while I’m going through this, puts my concern away. She will show up at my house early Friday morning to get Roan to school, and she will be there in the afternoon to pick him up from school. Roan will be surrounded by her family, which he often prefers to me anyway. And that brings me the most peace, knowing that he will be totally taken care of, while I’m trying to take care of these other things.
So really while I’m the dumbest at numbers and math, I’m counting on the statistics of good and bad, and hoping that there is some balance. I also know that I can and will get through almost anything thrown at me, as we all can and do. I’m just hoping for an easy time, because it’s time.