You Can’t Always Get What You Want

Yesterday Anson and I went in for the 20-week sonogram of this little thing growing in my belly.  We wanted to know two things from this day:


  1. What kind of baby is this?  Boy baby or Girl baby?
  2. Does everything look all right?  10 toes, 10 fingers, 1 brain, etc.?


So after a short 3-hour wait in the aptly titled waiting room, we finally got in.  We got our first answer immediately.


This baby is a boy baby. 


I was actually shocked to hear this.  Roan has been so certain about the baby being a girl that I just thought he knew something I didn’t know, and believed it myself.  And then I was relieved.  I know I would have loved a girl so much.  But I’m familiar with having a boy, I feel confident in my boy raising techniques, and as my sister Lori pointed out, the Real Estate factor is a better deal with a boy.  Meaning in NYC, it’s much harder to find a decent 3 bedroom than a 2 bedroom and 2 boys = shared room for life!  HA!  I love that we have another little boy on the way.  Roan has totally switched allegiances as well, and has been kissing my belly and saying, “Hello brother, I’m your brother!” over and over.  I can’t get enough of that.


The second question, however, was a little more complicated.  The technician let a, “Hmmmmm” out at one point, which made me suspicious and then when a doctor entered a room and they started with the whispers I went into full-on red alert.  Finally, they spoke to Anson and me: this baby boy’s kidneys are showing up brighter than they should on the ultrasound, indicating that he has Multicystic Kidneys. 


The doctor explained a few things to Anson and me, and then introduced us to the genetic counselor (a woman who really could not have been more comforting.)  She explained that this is not a diagnosis, but something that needs to be looked at more closely.  She drew pictures, gave us brochures, and emphasized that all the functions that healthy kidneys need to do are being done, which is a very positive sign.


Still, we’re being sent to a specialist clinic at Columbia Hospital, sponsored by the March of Dimes.  May I just be a drama queen and say that being sent anywhere sponsored by the March of Dimes when you’re pregnant is a little crazy-making?  They are an awesome organization, but one that I would prefer not to need.  I want to not need any help for this baby because that means that something scary could be happening.  On the other side, though, on the realistic side, I am lucky that that and I live in NYC this facility is available.  Apparently I’ll go through a battery of tests with this little man-child, tests that aren’t really available elsewhere with a very comprehensive look at what is happening, and will have more information and a more global look at what to expect. 


And so now, where am I in my head?  Truthfully, I felt shaken up like crazy after leaving the doctor yesterday.  It wasn’t what I wanted and shouldn’t I always get what I want?  I lashed out at Anson for not supporting me in the way I wanted to be supported, then felt guilty, then felt angry at Anson again because I didn’t want to feel guilty.  Poor guy had to turn to a glass of milk and a plate of cookies to get through my storms.  But then I had talks with my sisters and mother and started to get my head around the reality, rather than the could-be’s.  I was reminded that there have been many kidney problems with my sister Kellene’s children, which have been easily remedied.  These were the kind of problems that are remarkably similar to what the doctors were talking about yesterday.  I was reminded that in nature, things are usually fine, because that’s how things run.  I was told about friends who have had similar problems diagnosed with their children at 20-week sonograms, which turned out to be nothing.  I was receiving texts, emails, and voicemails from my army of girlfriends with congratulations and support which reminded me of my biggest source of comfort – I have almost endless resources for help, love, reassurance, empathy, sympathy, support and hand holding. 


And so.  I have a baby boy on the way.  My husband loves me, and is excited for this boy to get here.  My 5-year-old son is a superstar rock star who cannot wait to teach someone to pee in the potty.  I am surrounded by love, an amazing network of friends, and have access to the medical resources I need.  Which means one thing: everything is as it should be, and life is good.

37 thoughts on “You Can’t Always Get What You Want

  1. Jod-
    First let me say that I couldn’t be more pleased that you have another little dude on the way! From a woman who has been surrounded by men for some time now, I can say that it’s pretty nice being queen bee. I’m sure this little guy will be just the right fit for your special family. And by special, I mean totally awesome….(just didn’t want to date myself too much with that 80s phrase).

    I can only imaging some of the fear and anxiety you must be having with the news of a possible kidney condition with this little guy. I want you to know that I’m always here for support and comfort. I’m hoping that everything works out for the best (usually does) and that baby boy’s kidney issues resolve. I’m always surprised at the human body’s ability to heal itself and compensate. Keep us posted as to what’s going on in there! We love you guys!!!

  2. I teased my wife mercilessly that I have 5 brothers and 1 female cousin in my generation. So obviously we would have a boy and he would be a great hockey player… She squealed with delight when we found out about Abigail Grace (I lost the naming rights when I lost the gender battle). She is a fantastic little curly-sue and we couldn’t be happier.

    Be fabulous! and all will be well…

  3. Hi Jodi,

    First, congratulations on your pregnancy and news of a baby boy!

    I read the second half of your post with tears in my eyes because I remember a day just like that when we found out about our daughter’s heart defect. Let me just say that although it seems like the worst day in the world, things will get better. You will learn more about his condition and make educated decisions from here on in.

    Try to remain stress free while you are still pregnant. It will be the best thing for your baby.



  4. I think ultrasounds are a mixed blessing. With Belle, we found out early on that she had a longer than average umbilical cord. ANd, I spent the whole pregnancy fearful that she would strangle herself. I have had a friend who was thought to have a son with hydrocephaly but at the 20 week ultrasound, they found it was not true. He is fine–brilliant actually.

    As to polycystic kidneys, one of my best friends has it. She is very healthy otherwise and lives a totally full life (sometimes too full if you ask me.)

    And as to kids of the same gender, I had the same feeling when we found out about having a second girl. Would have liked a boy but we know the drill with a girl. Anyway now they will be able to start a boy band.

  5. Congratulations on another boy!! Sending white light and thoughts into the universe for you. -Just another reader who found your blog through Fatty’s site.

  6. The ability to start a boy band should not be celebrated, as I’m sure you all know of the corresponding rise in teenage pregnancy. (Speaking as the father of a two and half-year old girl who would end up listening to said boy band.) And it would drive me (and you) freaking insane. Let them eat Sabbath and drink Zeppelin …

  7. You are so rad – you come through difficult and crazy things with flying colors still able sprinkle love all over everyone. And you are nervy enough to call things out – and face them. (one of my fave examples being an old boss who needed to know he was a “primate lover” haha!) Keep your love and awareness flowing – you help so many – I send so much love and good thoughts that the sky should open up and pull you in for a universal hug.
    We are all sending a big one to you. Kick this in the butt and rock out! I know you will. Love Love Love!

  8. But if you try sometimes . . . you get what you need!

    Hoping everything you and the beab need comes your way. U/S are a mixed blessing.

  9. Yay it’s a boy, he can learn the specialness of apeman sweatsuits

    As far as the kidneys, better to know now and be prepared than to be surprised during a crisis later in life (this coming from me, a mom, who just took her 11 year old in for a “well check-up” and instead of being sent on my merry way was given the name of a children’s urologist for a yet undiagnosed, totally unexpected problem.)

  10. I’m sorry that there is the possibility of some problems ahead, but it sounds like your support system has helped you through this quite a bit, it is nice to have that support!

  11. I just found your blog and this post gave me chills. You are correct in saying that it seems you have alot of wonderful things going on in your life. I hope for great things ahead. 🙂

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