I’m Gonna Fix that Rat that’s What I’m Gonna Do

I woke up at around three in the morning, because my mom-conscious heard Roan.  I don’t wake up for many things, but if Roan so much as changes his breathing pattern from three rooms away, I log it – even as I chase dinosaurs drinking whiskey naked, with teeth falling out all over the place.  The dream doesn’t stop, I don’t wake up fully, but I know the boy is out there, and is being kept track of in part of my head.  So I heard some rustling around in the kitchen and my body obeyed the rules I’ve set in place, that I must continue to be that child’s mother, even at three in the morning.

 

My apartment here in Brooklyn is gigantic, so it took me a while to get to the kitchen.  It must have taken me a good eight seconds to walk the seven steps from my bedroom through the living room and finally into the kitchen.  It was empty, no sign of a child causing mischief, and in fact his door was closed.  I walked into Roan’s room and he was snoring.  He’s not quite clever enough yet to fake-snore, so I walked out, and began the long journey back to the north wing of our estate.

 

Once my head hit the pillow, I heard the same noise.  This time I didn’t have to disconnect from the whiskey-drinking dinosaur.  I was up and in the kitchen and still no child.  Then the sound again….scratch, scratch, rustle, rustle, SCREAM!! No, no, there was no scream but I freaked you out a little, right?  Anyway, these sounds were coming from the wall or the ceiling, I couldn’t really pin-point them, and wasn’t inclined to because there was a drunk dinosaur waiting to play strip-poker with me in my dreams.

 

When we all woke up the next morning and were eating breakfast, the sounds came again, from exactly the same place.  Roan was fascinated by the noise, and I told him I thought an animal was trapped in there.  He quickly named his favorite choices.  Perhaps we have a chicken in the wall?  No?  An alligator?  No.  Is it possible a lost kitten or puppy has found its way into our wall and we could keep them?  I didn’t have the heart to venture my guess that a mouse, rat or squirrel is trapped in our wall and that it is going to die and stink up this place. Instead I offered that our upstairs neighbor has possibly gotten a new pet, and they are keeping them in a cage on their floor, and that is what we’re hearing.

 

So now Roan has begun a campaign to contact every neighbor in the building and find out if they have a pet.  He has started drawing pictures to post in the foyer of animals trapped in walls, and using his magical s
pelling, writes, “Ho evr had u pet” (Who ever had a pet), implying that you had a pet, and now your pet is in our wall.

 

I don’t really know what to do about this.  I asked our Superintendent about it and he offered that maybe an animal crawled in from outside, but little else.  I’m all for collecting information, but I’m more interested in where is it going? More specifically, where is it going out of my house?? Is there a solution?  Do we start cutting holes in our walls?  And if we do, what other carcasses will be in there?  Or will some crazy rabid animal jump out and then what??  Who in the room is going to be the hero?  Not me, homie.  Possibly the wall is exactly the right place for the guy. 

 

Stay tuned for further adventures of Life in the Wild, Brooklyn style.  Any ideas or advice is welcome.  Please do it before this things dies.

45 thoughts on “I’m Gonna Fix that Rat that’s What I’m Gonna Do

  1. “Any ideas or advice is welcome.”

    I’ve got nothing with regard to the rodent.

    But girl, you’d better adjust your dosage… dinosaurs playing strip poker? Rodents are the least of your problems.

  2. So that’s why dinosaurs went extinct. Got drunk playing cards, lost their shirts, wandered off and froze.

    Honestly, the things you learn on these here internets….

    At the risk of understatement, the neighborhood has been having a bit of a rodent problem the past few years.

    A Have-A-Heart trap baited with peanut butter is one option. (They love peanut butter and, really, who doesn’t?) Glue traps and bait bags another. (Don’t bait a glue trap with peanut butter, they use the peanut butter to get free, then eat it and leave a note asking for extra chunky. I speak from experience.)

    For supplies, check Sid’s Hardware on Jay Street or the True Value hardware on Court Street sort of across the street from the big movie theater and a block from the New Balance store where you could also buy energy gels to use for bait, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Introducing rodents to caffeine can’t be a good idea.

    But all this assumes family members won’t freak if they actually spot Mickey’s unfortunate cousin.

    When we fixed up our place about 16 years ago, I couldn’t figure out why there was steel wool and wadded newspaper from the 1920s sealing the space around the pipes under the radiators.

    Steel wool is still a good idea to put around your pipes and in any other wall openings.

    If it helps any, rats are very social and intelligent creatures. And that whole Bubonic plague thing wasn’t their fault. It was those darn fleas.

  3. Glue traps are the worst. A few years ago, an exterminator installed one behind my refrigerator. The next evening, I had the pleasure of watching my cat freak out as we both listened to two mice that had gotten stuck to the thing and were struggling to get loose. Never again. From that night on, I’d rather use poison and have them die quietly. I hate to say that, but that was their choice: poison, or dismemberment by the cat.

    The mice I had wouldn’t go near one of those Have-a-Heart traps, even with organic chunky peanut butter. Oh, and definitely don’t bother with those ultra-sonic or whatever things you plug into the walls. Steel wool, though, works wonders.

    But what I really want to know is… Who’s teeth were falling out, yours or the dinosaurs?

  4. I have an annual crop of mice to collect. This year it’s been 3 so far. The scratching from mice can seem like there’s something much larger hiding away. I use an old fashioned spring trap, baited with p. butter. Works every time, and mercifully kills the poor critter swiftly.

    I hate the idea of killing them in the first place, but if it’s my house or the mouse, then I have to choose the house.

    I had a very crafty mouse last year, that somehow took bait from traps for a week before I finally got him (her?). I had to bend the keeper retainer away from the latch position so far that breathing on that sucker set it off. Alas, ’twas instant death for the poor mousy once I could finally put it down w/o setting it off…

    As this is not “your” house as in owning it, I can’t say about cutting into walls or ceilings. I think poison is bad, as that stuff could be tracked to places you don’t want it, and it’s poison to people, too.

    Good luck.

  5. Not much you could do. I wouldn’t bother with knocking holes in the walls. Bottom line is if it wants to be IN your home it will, then you could throw a trap, kill it and poof you’re done. Likely the thing is just lost, and it will die, stink for three of four days and then its over.

  6. you are so dam funny and smart too I would just have your hubby cut the damn thing out… and set it free in the wilds of brooklyn.

  7. Nice story! I enjoyed it a lot! This is a great stuff!This is probably the most breathtaking post I’ve read in a long long time. Thanks for sharing it with us. I liked especially the moment with this drunk dinosaur…))) It was funny!

  8. wow this is so myterious! I liked the story and I wil share it with my friends, think they will lied it so much as I did. Indeed I gave the link to you blog to some of them and they are now your constant readers!)))

  9. Carpets need to be vacuumed once a week and more often in areas of heavy traffic. Frequent vacuuming prolongs the life of your carpet by preventing a buildup of gritty particles that can cut carpet fibers. Every few weeks, take a little extra time and use your crevice tool for cleaning around baseboards and radiators and in other hard-to-reach places.

  10. Not much you could do. I wouldn’t bother with knocking holes in the walls. Bottom line is if it wants to be IN your home it will, then you could throw a trap, kill it and poof you’re done. Likely the thing is just lost, and it will die, stink for three of four days and then its over.

  11. It was empty, no sign of a child causing mischief, and in fact his door was closed. I walked into Roan’s room and he was snoring. He’s not quite clever enough yet to fake-snore, so I walked out, and began the long journey back to the north wing of our estate

  12. So beautiful that a man remarked to Anson today, “I wish I could just borrow your face and use it as mine for a week, just to see how it is”. Kind of weird but you know the ‘stache does magical things to people

  13. had a very crafty mouse last year, that somehow took bait from traps for a week before I finally got him (her?). I had to bend the keeper retainer away from the latch position so far that breathing on that sucker set it off.

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